You can also find storytelling ideas here: Teaching Guide, see #181-192.
You'll want to click on track 101 to start the audio portion for this section:
~ 101. Nasruddin Asks the Donkey ~
Nasruddin's neighbor asked to borrow his donkey.
This particular neighbor had a bad temper, and Nasruddin was reluctant to refuse him.
"Let me go ask the donkey," he said.
A few moments later, Nasruddin returned.
"My deepest apologies," he said to his neighbor, "but the donkey refuses. He explained his reasoning like this: if I make him work for you, you are likely to beat him, and if you beat him, he will bite you, and after he bites you, you will curse me. So really, it's better for all of us if I do not loan you the donkey."
~ 102. Nasruddin and the Neighbor's Dog ~
The neighbor's dog bit Nasruddin. After bandaging the wound, Nasruddin went next door to the neighbor to complain.
"That vicious dog of yours just bit me!" Nasruddin shouted.
"I'm very sorry to hear that," said the neighbor. "He's really a very nice dog. Let me go in the kitchen and get some bread. Then you can feed him the bread yourself, and he'll be your friend forever."
"That's a terrible idea!" said Nasruddin. "If I do that, your dog will tell all the other dogs in town, and then all those dogs will come here trying to bite me too."
~ 103. Nasruddin and the Neighbor's Bull ~
Nasruddin's neighbor had a bull, and one day that bull blundered into Nasruddin's garden, trampling all of Nasruddin's vegetables.
When Nasruddin saw what his neighbor's bull had done, he grabbed a whip and chased the bull out of the garden, whipping the bull as he did so.
"You accursed creature!" he shouted. "I'll show you who's the boss here! Take that! And take that!"
The bull bellowed loudly every time he felt the sting of Nasruddin's whip.
"Hey there!" shouted Nasruddin's neighbor. "What are you doing?"
"You stay out of this," replied Nasruddin. "This is between me and the bull!"
~ 104. Nasruddin and the Sesame Seeds ~
As one of Nasruddin's neighbors walked by, he noticed that Nasruddin was throwing sesame seeds onto the ground. There were sesame seeds everywhere!
"What on earth are you doing?" the neighbor asked.
"I'm scattering sesame seeds," Nasruddin replied calmly.
"I can see that!" said his neighbor. "But I don't understand why you're scattering sesame seeds."
"To keep the tigers away," said Nasruddin. "I highly recommend you give it a try too!"
"I still don't understand," his neighbor replied. "There aren't any tigers anywhere near here."
"I know!" Nasruddin exclaimed. "Isn't it wonderful? The sesame seeds are working just as expected."
~ 105. Nasruddin and the Bears ~
A rich man had invited Nasruddin to go with him on a bear hunt. Reluctantly, Nasruddin accepted the invitation.
A few days later, he returned from the hunt beaming with happiness.
"How did it go?" his neighbor asked him.
"It was wonderful!" Nasruddin replied with a smile.
"How many bears did you kill?"
"None!"
"How many bears did you chase?"
"None!"
"How many bears did you see?"
"None!" said Nasruddin happily.
His neighbor stared at him in confusion.
"That is why it was wonderful!" Nasruddin explained. "I don't mind hunting bears if there are not any bears to be found."
~ 106. Nasruddin the Architect ~
"Our house is so crowded," Nasruddin's neighbor complained. "We can't stand it anymore."
"I can help," Nasruddin said. "Will you obey my advice exactly?"
His neighbor nodded.
"Bring your goats, chickens, and donkey into the house."
A week later, the neighbor told Nasruddin, "That just made things worse!"
"I know," said Nasruddin. "But now, send the donkey outside."
"That's better," said the neighbor a week later.
"Now send the chickens back out."
"That's much better," the neighbor said next time.
"Now the goats."
Nasruddin's neighbor came back smiling. "Thank you, Nasruddin!" he said. "Our house is so much bigger now!"
~ 107. The Light in the Garden ~
Nasruddin's neighbor was complaining about how dark it was inside his house.
"It's not at all like your nice house here," the neighbor said. "Your house is full of light, but my house is so dark. I don't know what to do."
"I sympathize," Nasruddin replied. "Light is very important." He then thought for a few moments. "How about in your garden?" Nasruddin asked. "Is there light in your garden?"
"Well, of course there's light in the garden. The garden is full of light!"
"Then that's the solution!" exclaimed Nasruddin. "Just move your house into the garden where it's light."
~ 108. The Warmth of a Candle ~
Nasruddin made a bet with his neighbor. "I'll stand in the snow with only a blanket for warmth. If I last all night, you feed me; otherwise, I feed you."
Nasruddin stood all night in the snow. "I won!" he shouted.
"No!" his neighbor protested. "You used the candle burning in my window for warmth. I'll come over tonight to eat that dinner."
When the neighbor arrived, Nasruddin explained the soup wasn't ready.
The neighbor waited.
And waited.
Finally, he went into the kitchen and saw a pot suspended over a candle.
"Imagine that!" said Nasruddin. "The soup's still cold."
~ 109. Nasruddin's House with Many Windows ~
Nasruddin had built a new house, and there were many windows, big and small, in every wall.
"I've never seen a house with so many windows!" said Nasruddin's neighbor.
"That's my own design," Nasruddin explained. "This new house has twenty windows! My old house had just one."
"Why so many?" asked the neighbor.
"To stay warm in winter!" replied Nasruddin. "My old house became much warmer when I closed my window in the winter. Now when winter comes, I have twenty windows to close, so the house will be twenty times warmer. I won't even need to light a fire!"
~ 110. Nasruddin and the Wool ~
Nasruddin owed his neighbor money. "But don't worry," Nasruddin said. "I've got a plan!"
His neighbor looked doubtful. "Do tell!" he said.
"I planted some bramble bushes outside; you probably saw them. And you know how the shepherds drive their flocks down the road on their way to the pasture...? The wool from those passing sheep will get caught on the brambles. I'm going to harvest that wool, sell it, and that's how I will pay you back."
Nasruddin's neighbor burst out laughing. "I don't think you'll ever pay me back," he said, "but at least you keep me entertained!"
~ 111. Nasruddin and the Dentist ~
Nasruddin had been at the dentist all morning, and his wife wondered what was taking so long.
Finally, Nasruddin walked through the door, grinning happily, his mouth wide open.
His wife gasped in shock. "Nasruddin!" she exclaimed. "What has happened to your teeth?"
"Well, you know how much that dentist charges," Nasruddin replied. "He wanted a gold coin to remove my bad tooth. A gold coin! It's outrageous. So we haggled and haggled, back and forth, back and forth, and I finally persuaded him to take out four more teeth. So I got five removed for the price of one!"
~ 112. Nasruddin and the Baker ~
Nasruddin owed the baker money, so when the baker saw Nasruddin on the street, he said, "Come with me!" and he led Nasruddin into the bakery.
"Look!" the baker said, pointing at the account book. "You owe me three silver coins."
Nasruddin nodded, looking at the account book. "I see my brother-in-law owes you five," he remarked. "I was on my way to see him just now; I'll get him to pay also!"
"Excellent!" replied the baker.
"He owes you five, and I owe three," Nasruddin said. "So you can give me two coins now, and that will square things."
~ 113. The Angel with the Golden Coins ~
Nasruddin had a dream. In his dream, an angel was counting golden coins into Nasruddin's hand, one at a time. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight… finally the angel had counted out nine coins.
"If you could give me ten coins," Nasruddin said to the angel, "I would be able to pay all my debts."
The angel then looked at him angrily and disappeared.
Nasruddin awoke from his dream. He looked, and saw there were no golden coins in his hand.
"Come back, angel!" shouted Nasruddin. "Please come back! I've thought it over, and I'll take the nine!"
~ 114. Buying an Elephant ~
Nasruddin decided he was going to buy an elephant, and he knew it would be an expensive purchase. Since he didn't have enough money, he went to his richest friend to borrow the money.
His friend, however, refused to give him the loan. "You're not thinking clearly, Nasruddin," he said. "Elephants are expensive to buy, and they are also expensive to keep. If you don't have the money to buy an elephant, how will you be able to afford to house the elephant and feed it?"
"You don't understand," said Nasruddin angrily. "I came here for a loan, not advice."
~ 115. Who Wants to Get Rich? ~
Nasruddin stood in the village square and shouted loudly for all to hear, "Who wants to get rich?"
A few people gathered around. "We do!" they yelled.
"And who wants to get rich without doing any work?"
More people began to gather around. "We do!" they yelled.
"Tell me, people," Nasruddin shouted even more loudly, "who wants the secret to getting rich without having to do any work at all?"
A crowd of people now filled the square. "We do! We all do!" they yelled.
"I do too!" shouted Nasruddin.
Then he added, "Does anybody here actually know the secret?"
~ 116. A Loan from Nasruddin ~
Nasruddin's neighbor needed a loan.
"I'm desperate!" he said. "Can you possibly loan me six hundred silver coins? Then just let me have one month to pay the loan back. One month is all I need, I swear!"
"You want me to give you six hundred silver coins, then a month to pay me back," Nasruddin repeated. "Well, I can do half."
"Bless you! Three hundred will be a big help."
"That's not what I meant," said Nasruddin. "I don't have any money at all to loan you, but you can have a month in which to pay me back."
~ 117. The Proper Way to Beg ~
A beggar approached Nasruddin on the street.
"Please, kind sir," he said, "could you possibly give me a coin or two?"
Nasruddin was indignant. "It's not at all proper for a rich man such as myself to give a beggar such a paltry sum."
The beggar bowed apologetically. "Please, kind sir, forgive my mistake," he said. "Could you possibly give me a hundred coins?"
Nasruddin became even more indignant. "It's not at all proper for a beggar like yourself to ask a complete stranger to give him a hundred coins!" he exclaimed.
And with that, Nasruddin continued on his way.
~ 118. The Poor Man in the Coffeehouse ~
Nasruddin saw a stranger in the coffeehouse who looked very sad.
"Is something the matter?" Nasruddin asked him.
"I used to be rich!" said the man. "I lived in a mansion, and I had many servants. But I've lost it all: money, mansion, servants, everything. I can barely pay for this coffee. Soon I'll be begging on the streets. I'm sick with worry."
"Oh, you won't have to feel like this for long," Nasruddin assured him.
The man looked at Nasruddin eagerly. "Do you mean I'll get rich again?"
"No," said Nasruddin. "I mean you'll get used to being poor."
~ 119. Nasruddin Looks for Work ~
Nasruddin desperately needed a job. He visited every shop, every workshop, every warehouse seeking employment.
Finally, he came to the warehouse of a merchant with a shady reputation.
"Do you have any job openings?" Nasruddin asked.
"Well," said the merchant, "I am looking for a bookkeeper. How's your arithmetic?"
"My arithmetic is excellent!" said Nasruddin enthusiastically.
"I'll have to give you a test first. Are you ready?"
Nasruddin nodded.
"How much is two plus two?"
Nasruddin thought for a moment and then said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
"You're hired!" said the merchant.
~ 120. Nasruddin's Donkey for Sale ~
"That wretched donkey of mine ran away again," said Nasruddin. "If he ever comes back, I'll sell him for a single copper coin!"
The donkey came back, and Nasruddin regretted his reckless oath.
So, he took the cat, who was the donkey's playmate, and put the cat in the donkey's saddlebag. Then he went to the market.
"Buy this fine donkey for just one copper coin!" Nasruddin shouted. "But you must buy the cat too; the donkey would be heartbroken without him."
"How much for the cat?" someone asked.
"The cat will cost you one hundred silver coins," Nasruddin replied.
~ 121. Nasruddin at the Bathhouse ~
Nasruddin went to the bathhouse.
When the attendant saw Nasruddin's shabby clothes, he treated him poorly, giving him a threadbare towel and only a tiny piece of soap. Nevertheless, after Nasruddin finished his bath, he tipped the attendant very generously.
On his next visit, the attendant greeted Nasruddin with great respect, remembering the generous tip. He gave Nasruddin several luxurious towels and a new bar of soap. But when he left, Nasruddin gave the attendant no tip at all.
"That's for last time," Nasruddin explained, "and the tip I gave you last time was for this time. Now we're even!"
~ 122. What a Beggar Needs ~
Nasruddin was walking down the street when a beggar accosted him.
"I know you," said Nasruddin. "You like drinking coffee in the coffeehouse, don't you?
The beggar nodded. "Yes, I do."
"And the bathhouse? And drinking with your friends?"
The beggar kept nodding, and Nasruddin gave him a gold coin.
Nasruddin met a second beggar; he had overheard the first conversation.
"What about you?" asked Nasruddin. "The coffeehouse?"
"Never!" said the beggar.
"Bathhouse? Drinking?"
The beggar shook his head emphatically, and Nasruddin gave him a copper coin.
"I don't understand!" complained the beggar.
"Your needs are fewer," replied Nasruddin, smiling.
~ 123. Honored Guests at the Banquet ~
Nasruddin was invited to a banquet. He rushed off immediately, imagining the fine food he would eat there.
But when he arrived in his shabby clothes, they seated him far from the main table, with nothing but bread to eat.
So Nasruddin ran home, put on his best clothes, and returned to the banquet. This time they seated him at the main table which was loaded with delicious food.
Nasruddin then began rubbing the food all over his clothes.
"What are you doing?" shouted the host.
"I'm feeding my clothes," Nasruddin replied, "as they are the honored guests, not me."
~ 124. Nasruddin's Two Hands ~
Nasruddin was delighted to receive a dinner invitation from his friend.
He arrived early, and hungry, eager to try every single dish.
As the food was served, Nasruddin reached with both hands, grabbing for the meat and the bread, anything and everything he could reach, hurriedly stuffing the food into his mouth.
Finally one of the other dinner guests shouted, "Nasruddin! Your behavior is simply outrageous! Why are you grabbing at all the food and stuffing it into your mouth with your two hands like that?"
"Why?" repeated Nasruddin, his mouth full. "Because these two hands are all I've got!"
~ 125. Why People Yawn ~
Nasruddin was staying at the house of relatives in a distant town. He had arrived in time for dinner, but so far they hadn't served him any food at all.
The evening was dragging on as his host regaled Nasruddin with stories in which Nasruddin had no interest.
Finally, Nasruddin could not help himself: he yawned.
This prompted his host to change the topic. "You are a learned man, Nasruddin," he said. "Why is it that people yawn?"
"It's either from lack of sleep or lack of food," declared Nasruddin. "And I got a very good night's sleep last night!"
~ 126. The Miser's Soup ~
A notorious miser had invited Nasruddin to dinner.
Nasruddin arrived at the appointed time and eagerly sat down at the dinner table.
"I have prepared soup, Nasruddin! I hope you will enjoy it," said his host as he placed two bowls of soup on the table.
Nasruddin stared for a moment at his bowl and then, without a word, he got up and started to undress.
"Nasruddin, what on earth are you doing?"
"I'm going to dive into the soup bowl and see if there might be a bit of vegetable or even some meat down there at the bottom."
~ 127. Nasruddin's Big Pot ~
Nasruddin brought some friends home. He seated them at the table and then went into the kitchen.
"But we have no food!" his wife said. "No meat, no rice, no vegetables, nothing. We don't even have wood to light a fire to cook with."
"I'll think of something," said Nasruddin.
He looked around the kitchen, grabbed their biggest cooking pot, and went into the other room.
"Dear friends," he said, "if we had any meat or rice or vegetables, or wood with which to light a fire, this is the pot I would use to cook a soup for you!"
~ 128. Nasruddin and the Ducks ~
Nasruddin was walking home from the bakery with some fresh bread, and then he saw them: ducks! Several very beautiful, very fat ducks were swimming in the pond by the side of the road.
Nasruddin ran at top speed into the pond, hoping to catch one of them, but the ducks all flew away.
Nasruddin then began to eat the bread, pulling off pieces and ostentatiously dipping each piece in the water before he ate it.
A man walking along the road shouted, "Hey, Nasruddin, what are you doing there in the pond?"
"I'm eating duck soup!" he replied happily.
~ 129. Nasruddin and the Recipe ~
Nasruddin's wife had written out the recipe for Nasruddin's favorite liver-and onion dish and then she sent him to the market.
"Buy all the ingredients," she said, "and make sure the liver is fresh."
Walking home, Nasruddin was daydreaming about the fine dinner he would enjoy when out of nowhere a crow swooped down and attacked him. As Nasruddin defended himself, the crow snatched the liver and flew away with it.
"You accursed creature!" Nasruddin shouted as the crow flew away. "But the joke's on you: you forgot the recipe. You don't have any idea how to prepare the dish!"
~ 130. Nasruddin is Tired ~
"Go to the market and buy some meat for tonight's stew!" said Nasruddin's wife.
"I'm tired," he complained, but he went to the market.
Later on she said, "Bring in some firewood!"
"I'm tired," he groaned, but he brought in the firewood.
Next she told him, "Fetch some water!"
"Didn't you hear me say I was tired?" he moaned, but he brought the water.
"Come eat dinner!" she said.
"I can see there's no point in telling you how tired I am," Nasruddin sighed, and then he raced to the dinner table so fast he almost tripped over his robes.
~ 131. Nasruddin's Views on Cheese ~
"Bring me some cheese," Nasruddin said to his wife. "Cheese is healthy, and it's tasty too. They say it's good for your bones. I like cheese very much."
"I don't think we have any cheese," Nasruddin's wife replied apologetically.
"Just as well I suppose," said Nasruddin. "They say cheese is hard on the stomach and it always gives me gas. I really don't like cheese at all."
"I don't understand," said Nasruddin's wife, now very confused. "Do you like cheese, or do you not like it?"
"That depends on whether there's any cheese in the house or not," replied Nasruddin.
~ 132. Nasruddin Eats the Walnuts and the Shells ~
Nasruddin was eating some walnuts, shells and all.
"What on earth are you doing?" asked his wife, surprised. "Why don't you crack the shell and take the nut out before you eat them?"
"Well," said Nasruddinm "I already know there's a walnut in there, so I don't need to crack the shells in order to find that out."
He then ate another walnut in the shell.
"Plus, when I paid for these, I paid by the pound, shells and all. If I throw away the shells, that's like throwing away money!" Nasruddin explained. "This way, I'm getting my money's worth."
~ 133. Nasruddin Eats an Apple ~
Nasruddin walked by the grocer's stall in the market. He was feeling very hungry, but he didn't have any money.
As he looked at the heap of apples on display, Nasruddin could not resist. He reached out, grabbed one of the apples, and bit into it. "Delicious!" he exclaimed.
"Hey there!" shouted the grocer. "You can't do that!"
"What do you mean?" asked Nasruddin.
"I mean you can't eat that apple without paying for it," shouted the grocer. "It's not ethical!"
"Oh, that's not a problem!" Nasruddin replied happily. "I'm eating this apple because it's nutritional, not because it's ethical."
~ 134. Where's the Halvah? ~
Nasruddin went to the grocer.
"I want some halvah, please," he said.
"My apologies," said the grocer. "I don't have any halvah."
"That's impossible!" exclaimed Nasruddin. "How can a grocer not have halvah? I simply don't understand. Tell me: do you have any flour?"
"Yes," said the grocer.
"And what about sugar? Do you have any sugar?"
"Yes," said the grocer.
"And do you have butter? Surely you have butter!"
"Yes," said the grocer.
"So, isn't it obvious? Everything you need is here!" Nasruddin concluded. "If you have flour and sugar and butter, why don't you go make some halvah?"
~ 135. Nasruddin and the Box ~
Nasruddin's friend gave him a box for safekeeping. "I'll be back to collect it tomorrow or the day after. But whatever you do, don't look in the box!"
"I understand," said Nasruddin. "Don't worry."
"Thank you!" said Nasruddin's friend, and he left.
Of course Nasruddin immediately opened the box. There was baklava inside!
He ate one piece.
Then another.
And another.
Finally he had eaten it all.
When his friend returned for the box, he opened it and saw it was empty.
"What happened to the baklava?" he asked.
"Don't ask," Nasruddin replied, "and I won't have to tell you."
~ 136. Nasruddin and the Baklava ~
Nasruddin was a holy man's disciple.
Another disciple brought their master a plate of baklava, and he didn't want Nasruddin to eat any.
"This is from our master's enemies," he told Nasruddin. "I suspect it's poisoned, so don't touch it!"
The disciple left, and Nasruddin couldn't resist. He grabbed the baklava, but he dropped the plate. Crash!
The other disciple rushed in to see what had happened and found Nasruddin down on all fours, eating baklava.
"I dropped the plate!" Nasruddin confessed. "In my shame, I wanted to die, so I'm eating as much of the poison as I can."
~ 137. Nasruddin's Lunch ~
Nasruddin was working as a laborer, and each day he ate lunch in the company of his fellow workers.
"Nothing but bread and cheese," Nasruddin would say each day as he looked longingly at the food the other men had for their lunch. He saw dolmas, kebabs, tabbouleh, yogurt, pilaf, all kinds of food.
"You complain like this every day," one of the men said to Nasruddin. "You should tell your wife to make you something different for lunch."
"I'm not married," said Nasruddin.
"Who makes your lunch then?"
"I do," Nasruddin admitted, staring sadly at his bread and cheese.
~ 138. Nasruddin Divides the Walnuts ~
"Help us!" the boys said to Nasruddin. "We have this bag of walnuts but we don't know how to divide them."
"Do you want to divide them God's way, or the human way?"
"God's way!" shouted the boys.
So Nasruddin gave two handfuls to one boy, a handful to another, a few walnuts to the third, and none to the fourth.
The boys looked at him in confusion.
"All things come from God, not just walnuts," Nasruddin explained. "Life itself is a gift from God! As for walnuts: he gives more to some, less to others, and some get none."
~ 139. Walnuts and Watermelons ~
One afternoon, Nasruddin was resting in the shade of a walnut tree next to a watermelon patch.
"What a strange world this is!" he exclaimed. "Tiny walnuts are growing on this enormous tree, while the watermelons are lying there in the dirt, growing on those scrawny vines. If I were in charge, I'd arrange things in a much more logical way."
Then a walnut happened to fall on Nasruddin's head.
"Praise God, now I understand!" he exclaimed. "It is because of Divine Providence that I was hit on the head by this tiny walnut and not by an enormous watermelon."
~ 140. Nasruddin's Debt ~
Desperate for money, Nasruddin put his winter coat up for sale, and he soon found a buyer.
"Wait here," the buyer said, taking the coat. "I'll be right back with the money."
But the man did not come back, so Nasruddin lost his coat and still had no money.
As he walked past the baker's shop, he quietly grabbed some pastries which he took home for supper.
"O God," said Nasruddin, "I need you to please pay the baker for these pastries! You can just take it out of the money the man still owes me for my winter coat."
~ 141. Nasruddin Gets a Gift from God ~
Nasruddin was praying outside one night. "O God," he cried, "please reward me for my devoted service. I'm asking for a hundred gold coins, and I'll accept nothing less."
Nasruddin's neighbor heard this and, as a joke, he tossed down a bag containing some coins.
"Praise God!" Nasruddin exclaimed when he opened the bag and saw the money.
"Wait a minute!" shouted the neighbor. "You said you'd accept nothing less than a hundred gold coins. There's nowhere near that much in the bag."
"Since God kindly gave me this much now," Nasruddin shouted back, "he can owe me the rest."
~ 142. Nasruddin Needs New Clothes ~
The whole town had put on their best clothes for the mayor's birthday parade.
Ashamed of his threadbare garments, Nasruddin was hiding in an alley as the parade went by. "O God," he prayed, "please give me some new clothes!"
At that moment, a man who had bought new clothes for the celebration threw his old clothes down into the alley. Joyfully, Nasruddin grabbed the bundle, only to discover these clothes were even more shabby than his own.
"God," said Nasruddin, "you're going to have to do better than this!" and he threw the bundle back up in the air.
~ 143. The Donkey on the Ledge ~
As Nasruddin was leading his donkey down a steep mountain path, the donkey stumbled and fell.
"O God," Nasruddin shouted, "if you save my poor donkey, I'll donate a gold coin to the mosque!"
Miraculously, the donkey landed on the ledge below. Nasruddin was amazed. "Thank you, God!" he exclaimed. "I had no idea you were so desperate for cash!"
Then the ledge under the donkey started to crumble.
"Okay, God, okay! I'll donate two gold coins."
Then the ledge collapsed and the donkey plunged to its death. Nasruddin sighed. "I never thought God would drive such a hard bargain."
~ 144. The Cow and the Colt ~
Nasruddin's donkey had given birth but died in labor.
Nasruddin wanted to save the donkey's colt, but that meant giving it milk from the cow, and Nasruddin needed that cow's milk for his own family.
In despair, he prayed. "O God," he cried, "please relieve me of this burden and take the little colt into heaven as you did its mother."
Nasruddin was shocked to discover the next morning that his cow was dead, not the colt.
"O God," he cried, "I don't understand! How is it possible that you can't tell the difference between a cow and a donkey?"
~ 145. Big Mosque, Little Mosque ~
Nasruddin had gone to the city to settle some business, but things were not turning out well.
"You should go pray in the big mosque," Nasruddin's business partner told him. "Maybe God will help us."
Nasruddin prayed in the big mosque, but his business still went badly.
He then went and prayed in a small mosque, and the next day he was able to settle his business matters favorably.
Nasruddin then returned to the big mosque and said, "Shame on you, big mosque! You look powerful and important, but it was the little mosque who finally helped me, not you."
~ 146. Nasruddin and God's Own Guest ~
A dervish arrived at Nasruddin's house one night, dressed in fine garments and wearing an impressive turban. "I come as God's own guest," he proclaimed loudly, "and I thank you in advance for food and drink and also a bed in which to rest."
Without a word, Nasruddin took the dervish by the arm and led him down the street to the mosque.
"But this place is empty and cold!" shouted the dervish. "I will find no comforts here."
"You yourself said you were God's own guest!" replied Nasruddin. "So please make yourself at home here in God's own house."
~ 147. The Door to Nasruddin's House ~
Nasruddin had been robbed many times, but this was something new: a thief came in the night and stole Nasruddin's door.
When Nasruddin saw what had happened, he marched to the mosque and took that door off its hinges. He then carried it home and set it up in place of his own missing door.
"I recognize that door!" shouted his wife. "That's the door to the mosque. What do you think you're doing?"
"God only knows who stole our door," he replied. "And when God tells me the name of the thief, I'll return the door to his mosque."
~ 148. Nasruddin and his Dog ~
The imam came to see Nasruddin and discovered there was a dog in Nasruddin's kitchen.
"What is this unclean beast doing in your kitchen?" he shouted.
"This is my watchdog," said Nasruddin. "He's also good at herding goats."
"You must drive this dog out of your house before God sends his avenging angels to punish you!"
"About those angels," said Nasruddin, "are they going to watch out for thieves and herd my goats?"
"Of course not!" exclaimed the imam. "That's not a job for God's angels."
"Well then," said Nasruddin, "I think I'm going to have to keep my dog."
~ 149. Nasruddin and the Stray Goat ~
A stray goat wandered into Nasruddin's yard. Nasruddin killed the goat and told his wife to cook the meat in a stew.
The goat stew was delicious, but then Nasruddin felt guilty about what he had done and confessed to his wife.
"You have committed a sin!" she shouted, shaking her fist at her husband. "God will call you to account."
"Then I'll tell God I never saw the goat," said Nasruddin.
"God might resurrect the goat as a witness!" his wife replied.
Nasruddin smiled and said, "Then I'll grab the goat and give it back to its real owner."
~ 150. Nasruddin on the Run ~
Nasruddin was making a journey through the mountains when he was attacked by a band of robbers. Thanks to some good luck he was able to escape, but he knew the robbers were not far behind him.
As he ran, he saw a wandering holy man beside the road. "Hide yourself!" Nasruddin shouted at the dervish. "Robbers are coming! They'll kill you for sure!"
"I serve God," replied the dervish, "and I know he will protect me."
"Well, that's good," said Nasruddin as he disappeared down the road. "But just in case, you might want to find a hiding place!"
Nasruddin's neighbor asked to borrow his donkey.
This particular neighbor had a bad temper, and Nasruddin was reluctant to refuse him.
"Let me go ask the donkey," he said.
A few moments later, Nasruddin returned.
"My deepest apologies," he said to his neighbor, "but the donkey refuses. He explained his reasoning like this: if I make him work for you, you are likely to beat him, and if you beat him, he will bite you, and after he bites you, you will curse me. So really, it's better for all of us if I do not loan you the donkey."
~ 102. Nasruddin and the Neighbor's Dog ~
The neighbor's dog bit Nasruddin. After bandaging the wound, Nasruddin went next door to the neighbor to complain.
"That vicious dog of yours just bit me!" Nasruddin shouted.
"I'm very sorry to hear that," said the neighbor. "He's really a very nice dog. Let me go in the kitchen and get some bread. Then you can feed him the bread yourself, and he'll be your friend forever."
"That's a terrible idea!" said Nasruddin. "If I do that, your dog will tell all the other dogs in town, and then all those dogs will come here trying to bite me too."
~ 103. Nasruddin and the Neighbor's Bull ~
Nasruddin's neighbor had a bull, and one day that bull blundered into Nasruddin's garden, trampling all of Nasruddin's vegetables.
When Nasruddin saw what his neighbor's bull had done, he grabbed a whip and chased the bull out of the garden, whipping the bull as he did so.
"You accursed creature!" he shouted. "I'll show you who's the boss here! Take that! And take that!"
The bull bellowed loudly every time he felt the sting of Nasruddin's whip.
"Hey there!" shouted Nasruddin's neighbor. "What are you doing?"
"You stay out of this," replied Nasruddin. "This is between me and the bull!"
~ 104. Nasruddin and the Sesame Seeds ~
As one of Nasruddin's neighbors walked by, he noticed that Nasruddin was throwing sesame seeds onto the ground. There were sesame seeds everywhere!
"What on earth are you doing?" the neighbor asked.
"I'm scattering sesame seeds," Nasruddin replied calmly.
"I can see that!" said his neighbor. "But I don't understand why you're scattering sesame seeds."
"To keep the tigers away," said Nasruddin. "I highly recommend you give it a try too!"
"I still don't understand," his neighbor replied. "There aren't any tigers anywhere near here."
"I know!" Nasruddin exclaimed. "Isn't it wonderful? The sesame seeds are working just as expected."
~ 105. Nasruddin and the Bears ~
A rich man had invited Nasruddin to go with him on a bear hunt. Reluctantly, Nasruddin accepted the invitation.
A few days later, he returned from the hunt beaming with happiness.
"How did it go?" his neighbor asked him.
"It was wonderful!" Nasruddin replied with a smile.
"How many bears did you kill?"
"None!"
"How many bears did you chase?"
"None!"
"How many bears did you see?"
"None!" said Nasruddin happily.
His neighbor stared at him in confusion.
"That is why it was wonderful!" Nasruddin explained. "I don't mind hunting bears if there are not any bears to be found."
~ 106. Nasruddin the Architect ~
"Our house is so crowded," Nasruddin's neighbor complained. "We can't stand it anymore."
"I can help," Nasruddin said. "Will you obey my advice exactly?"
His neighbor nodded.
"Bring your goats, chickens, and donkey into the house."
A week later, the neighbor told Nasruddin, "That just made things worse!"
"I know," said Nasruddin. "But now, send the donkey outside."
"That's better," said the neighbor a week later.
"Now send the chickens back out."
"That's much better," the neighbor said next time.
"Now the goats."
Nasruddin's neighbor came back smiling. "Thank you, Nasruddin!" he said. "Our house is so much bigger now!"
~ 107. The Light in the Garden ~
Nasruddin's neighbor was complaining about how dark it was inside his house.
"It's not at all like your nice house here," the neighbor said. "Your house is full of light, but my house is so dark. I don't know what to do."
"I sympathize," Nasruddin replied. "Light is very important." He then thought for a few moments. "How about in your garden?" Nasruddin asked. "Is there light in your garden?"
"Well, of course there's light in the garden. The garden is full of light!"
"Then that's the solution!" exclaimed Nasruddin. "Just move your house into the garden where it's light."
~ 108. The Warmth of a Candle ~
Nasruddin made a bet with his neighbor. "I'll stand in the snow with only a blanket for warmth. If I last all night, you feed me; otherwise, I feed you."
Nasruddin stood all night in the snow. "I won!" he shouted.
"No!" his neighbor protested. "You used the candle burning in my window for warmth. I'll come over tonight to eat that dinner."
When the neighbor arrived, Nasruddin explained the soup wasn't ready.
The neighbor waited.
And waited.
Finally, he went into the kitchen and saw a pot suspended over a candle.
"Imagine that!" said Nasruddin. "The soup's still cold."
~ 109. Nasruddin's House with Many Windows ~
Nasruddin had built a new house, and there were many windows, big and small, in every wall.
"I've never seen a house with so many windows!" said Nasruddin's neighbor.
"That's my own design," Nasruddin explained. "This new house has twenty windows! My old house had just one."
"Why so many?" asked the neighbor.
"To stay warm in winter!" replied Nasruddin. "My old house became much warmer when I closed my window in the winter. Now when winter comes, I have twenty windows to close, so the house will be twenty times warmer. I won't even need to light a fire!"
~ 110. Nasruddin and the Wool ~
Nasruddin owed his neighbor money. "But don't worry," Nasruddin said. "I've got a plan!"
His neighbor looked doubtful. "Do tell!" he said.
"I planted some bramble bushes outside; you probably saw them. And you know how the shepherds drive their flocks down the road on their way to the pasture...? The wool from those passing sheep will get caught on the brambles. I'm going to harvest that wool, sell it, and that's how I will pay you back."
Nasruddin's neighbor burst out laughing. "I don't think you'll ever pay me back," he said, "but at least you keep me entertained!"
~ 111. Nasruddin and the Dentist ~
Nasruddin had been at the dentist all morning, and his wife wondered what was taking so long.
Finally, Nasruddin walked through the door, grinning happily, his mouth wide open.
His wife gasped in shock. "Nasruddin!" she exclaimed. "What has happened to your teeth?"
"Well, you know how much that dentist charges," Nasruddin replied. "He wanted a gold coin to remove my bad tooth. A gold coin! It's outrageous. So we haggled and haggled, back and forth, back and forth, and I finally persuaded him to take out four more teeth. So I got five removed for the price of one!"
~ 112. Nasruddin and the Baker ~
Nasruddin owed the baker money, so when the baker saw Nasruddin on the street, he said, "Come with me!" and he led Nasruddin into the bakery.
"Look!" the baker said, pointing at the account book. "You owe me three silver coins."
Nasruddin nodded, looking at the account book. "I see my brother-in-law owes you five," he remarked. "I was on my way to see him just now; I'll get him to pay also!"
"Excellent!" replied the baker.
"He owes you five, and I owe three," Nasruddin said. "So you can give me two coins now, and that will square things."
~ 113. The Angel with the Golden Coins ~
Nasruddin had a dream. In his dream, an angel was counting golden coins into Nasruddin's hand, one at a time. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight… finally the angel had counted out nine coins.
"If you could give me ten coins," Nasruddin said to the angel, "I would be able to pay all my debts."
The angel then looked at him angrily and disappeared.
Nasruddin awoke from his dream. He looked, and saw there were no golden coins in his hand.
"Come back, angel!" shouted Nasruddin. "Please come back! I've thought it over, and I'll take the nine!"
~ 114. Buying an Elephant ~
Nasruddin decided he was going to buy an elephant, and he knew it would be an expensive purchase. Since he didn't have enough money, he went to his richest friend to borrow the money.
His friend, however, refused to give him the loan. "You're not thinking clearly, Nasruddin," he said. "Elephants are expensive to buy, and they are also expensive to keep. If you don't have the money to buy an elephant, how will you be able to afford to house the elephant and feed it?"
"You don't understand," said Nasruddin angrily. "I came here for a loan, not advice."
~ 115. Who Wants to Get Rich? ~
Nasruddin stood in the village square and shouted loudly for all to hear, "Who wants to get rich?"
A few people gathered around. "We do!" they yelled.
"And who wants to get rich without doing any work?"
More people began to gather around. "We do!" they yelled.
"Tell me, people," Nasruddin shouted even more loudly, "who wants the secret to getting rich without having to do any work at all?"
A crowd of people now filled the square. "We do! We all do!" they yelled.
"I do too!" shouted Nasruddin.
Then he added, "Does anybody here actually know the secret?"
~ 116. A Loan from Nasruddin ~
Nasruddin's neighbor needed a loan.
"I'm desperate!" he said. "Can you possibly loan me six hundred silver coins? Then just let me have one month to pay the loan back. One month is all I need, I swear!"
"You want me to give you six hundred silver coins, then a month to pay me back," Nasruddin repeated. "Well, I can do half."
"Bless you! Three hundred will be a big help."
"That's not what I meant," said Nasruddin. "I don't have any money at all to loan you, but you can have a month in which to pay me back."
~ 117. The Proper Way to Beg ~
A beggar approached Nasruddin on the street.
"Please, kind sir," he said, "could you possibly give me a coin or two?"
Nasruddin was indignant. "It's not at all proper for a rich man such as myself to give a beggar such a paltry sum."
The beggar bowed apologetically. "Please, kind sir, forgive my mistake," he said. "Could you possibly give me a hundred coins?"
Nasruddin became even more indignant. "It's not at all proper for a beggar like yourself to ask a complete stranger to give him a hundred coins!" he exclaimed.
And with that, Nasruddin continued on his way.
~ 118. The Poor Man in the Coffeehouse ~
Nasruddin saw a stranger in the coffeehouse who looked very sad.
"Is something the matter?" Nasruddin asked him.
"I used to be rich!" said the man. "I lived in a mansion, and I had many servants. But I've lost it all: money, mansion, servants, everything. I can barely pay for this coffee. Soon I'll be begging on the streets. I'm sick with worry."
"Oh, you won't have to feel like this for long," Nasruddin assured him.
The man looked at Nasruddin eagerly. "Do you mean I'll get rich again?"
"No," said Nasruddin. "I mean you'll get used to being poor."
~ 119. Nasruddin Looks for Work ~
Nasruddin desperately needed a job. He visited every shop, every workshop, every warehouse seeking employment.
Finally, he came to the warehouse of a merchant with a shady reputation.
"Do you have any job openings?" Nasruddin asked.
"Well," said the merchant, "I am looking for a bookkeeper. How's your arithmetic?"
"My arithmetic is excellent!" said Nasruddin enthusiastically.
"I'll have to give you a test first. Are you ready?"
Nasruddin nodded.
"How much is two plus two?"
Nasruddin thought for a moment and then said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
"You're hired!" said the merchant.
~ 120. Nasruddin's Donkey for Sale ~
"That wretched donkey of mine ran away again," said Nasruddin. "If he ever comes back, I'll sell him for a single copper coin!"
The donkey came back, and Nasruddin regretted his reckless oath.
So, he took the cat, who was the donkey's playmate, and put the cat in the donkey's saddlebag. Then he went to the market.
"Buy this fine donkey for just one copper coin!" Nasruddin shouted. "But you must buy the cat too; the donkey would be heartbroken without him."
"How much for the cat?" someone asked.
"The cat will cost you one hundred silver coins," Nasruddin replied.
~ 121. Nasruddin at the Bathhouse ~
Nasruddin went to the bathhouse.
When the attendant saw Nasruddin's shabby clothes, he treated him poorly, giving him a threadbare towel and only a tiny piece of soap. Nevertheless, after Nasruddin finished his bath, he tipped the attendant very generously.
On his next visit, the attendant greeted Nasruddin with great respect, remembering the generous tip. He gave Nasruddin several luxurious towels and a new bar of soap. But when he left, Nasruddin gave the attendant no tip at all.
"That's for last time," Nasruddin explained, "and the tip I gave you last time was for this time. Now we're even!"
~ 122. What a Beggar Needs ~
Nasruddin was walking down the street when a beggar accosted him.
"I know you," said Nasruddin. "You like drinking coffee in the coffeehouse, don't you?
The beggar nodded. "Yes, I do."
"And the bathhouse? And drinking with your friends?"
The beggar kept nodding, and Nasruddin gave him a gold coin.
Nasruddin met a second beggar; he had overheard the first conversation.
"What about you?" asked Nasruddin. "The coffeehouse?"
"Never!" said the beggar.
"Bathhouse? Drinking?"
The beggar shook his head emphatically, and Nasruddin gave him a copper coin.
"I don't understand!" complained the beggar.
"Your needs are fewer," replied Nasruddin, smiling.
~ 123. Honored Guests at the Banquet ~
Nasruddin was invited to a banquet. He rushed off immediately, imagining the fine food he would eat there.
But when he arrived in his shabby clothes, they seated him far from the main table, with nothing but bread to eat.
So Nasruddin ran home, put on his best clothes, and returned to the banquet. This time they seated him at the main table which was loaded with delicious food.
Nasruddin then began rubbing the food all over his clothes.
"What are you doing?" shouted the host.
"I'm feeding my clothes," Nasruddin replied, "as they are the honored guests, not me."
~ 124. Nasruddin's Two Hands ~
Nasruddin was delighted to receive a dinner invitation from his friend.
He arrived early, and hungry, eager to try every single dish.
As the food was served, Nasruddin reached with both hands, grabbing for the meat and the bread, anything and everything he could reach, hurriedly stuffing the food into his mouth.
Finally one of the other dinner guests shouted, "Nasruddin! Your behavior is simply outrageous! Why are you grabbing at all the food and stuffing it into your mouth with your two hands like that?"
"Why?" repeated Nasruddin, his mouth full. "Because these two hands are all I've got!"
~ 125. Why People Yawn ~
Nasruddin was staying at the house of relatives in a distant town. He had arrived in time for dinner, but so far they hadn't served him any food at all.
The evening was dragging on as his host regaled Nasruddin with stories in which Nasruddin had no interest.
Finally, Nasruddin could not help himself: he yawned.
This prompted his host to change the topic. "You are a learned man, Nasruddin," he said. "Why is it that people yawn?"
"It's either from lack of sleep or lack of food," declared Nasruddin. "And I got a very good night's sleep last night!"
~ 126. The Miser's Soup ~
A notorious miser had invited Nasruddin to dinner.
Nasruddin arrived at the appointed time and eagerly sat down at the dinner table.
"I have prepared soup, Nasruddin! I hope you will enjoy it," said his host as he placed two bowls of soup on the table.
Nasruddin stared for a moment at his bowl and then, without a word, he got up and started to undress.
"Nasruddin, what on earth are you doing?"
"I'm going to dive into the soup bowl and see if there might be a bit of vegetable or even some meat down there at the bottom."
~ 127. Nasruddin's Big Pot ~
Nasruddin brought some friends home. He seated them at the table and then went into the kitchen.
"But we have no food!" his wife said. "No meat, no rice, no vegetables, nothing. We don't even have wood to light a fire to cook with."
"I'll think of something," said Nasruddin.
He looked around the kitchen, grabbed their biggest cooking pot, and went into the other room.
"Dear friends," he said, "if we had any meat or rice or vegetables, or wood with which to light a fire, this is the pot I would use to cook a soup for you!"
~ 128. Nasruddin and the Ducks ~
Nasruddin was walking home from the bakery with some fresh bread, and then he saw them: ducks! Several very beautiful, very fat ducks were swimming in the pond by the side of the road.
Nasruddin ran at top speed into the pond, hoping to catch one of them, but the ducks all flew away.
Nasruddin then began to eat the bread, pulling off pieces and ostentatiously dipping each piece in the water before he ate it.
A man walking along the road shouted, "Hey, Nasruddin, what are you doing there in the pond?"
"I'm eating duck soup!" he replied happily.
~ 129. Nasruddin and the Recipe ~
Nasruddin's wife had written out the recipe for Nasruddin's favorite liver-and onion dish and then she sent him to the market.
"Buy all the ingredients," she said, "and make sure the liver is fresh."
Walking home, Nasruddin was daydreaming about the fine dinner he would enjoy when out of nowhere a crow swooped down and attacked him. As Nasruddin defended himself, the crow snatched the liver and flew away with it.
"You accursed creature!" Nasruddin shouted as the crow flew away. "But the joke's on you: you forgot the recipe. You don't have any idea how to prepare the dish!"
~ 130. Nasruddin is Tired ~
"Go to the market and buy some meat for tonight's stew!" said Nasruddin's wife.
"I'm tired," he complained, but he went to the market.
Later on she said, "Bring in some firewood!"
"I'm tired," he groaned, but he brought in the firewood.
Next she told him, "Fetch some water!"
"Didn't you hear me say I was tired?" he moaned, but he brought the water.
"Come eat dinner!" she said.
"I can see there's no point in telling you how tired I am," Nasruddin sighed, and then he raced to the dinner table so fast he almost tripped over his robes.
~ 131. Nasruddin's Views on Cheese ~
"Bring me some cheese," Nasruddin said to his wife. "Cheese is healthy, and it's tasty too. They say it's good for your bones. I like cheese very much."
"I don't think we have any cheese," Nasruddin's wife replied apologetically.
"Just as well I suppose," said Nasruddin. "They say cheese is hard on the stomach and it always gives me gas. I really don't like cheese at all."
"I don't understand," said Nasruddin's wife, now very confused. "Do you like cheese, or do you not like it?"
"That depends on whether there's any cheese in the house or not," replied Nasruddin.
~ 132. Nasruddin Eats the Walnuts and the Shells ~
Nasruddin was eating some walnuts, shells and all.
"What on earth are you doing?" asked his wife, surprised. "Why don't you crack the shell and take the nut out before you eat them?"
"Well," said Nasruddinm "I already know there's a walnut in there, so I don't need to crack the shells in order to find that out."
He then ate another walnut in the shell.
"Plus, when I paid for these, I paid by the pound, shells and all. If I throw away the shells, that's like throwing away money!" Nasruddin explained. "This way, I'm getting my money's worth."
~ 133. Nasruddin Eats an Apple ~
Nasruddin walked by the grocer's stall in the market. He was feeling very hungry, but he didn't have any money.
As he looked at the heap of apples on display, Nasruddin could not resist. He reached out, grabbed one of the apples, and bit into it. "Delicious!" he exclaimed.
"Hey there!" shouted the grocer. "You can't do that!"
"What do you mean?" asked Nasruddin.
"I mean you can't eat that apple without paying for it," shouted the grocer. "It's not ethical!"
"Oh, that's not a problem!" Nasruddin replied happily. "I'm eating this apple because it's nutritional, not because it's ethical."
~ 134. Where's the Halvah? ~
Nasruddin went to the grocer.
"I want some halvah, please," he said.
"My apologies," said the grocer. "I don't have any halvah."
"That's impossible!" exclaimed Nasruddin. "How can a grocer not have halvah? I simply don't understand. Tell me: do you have any flour?"
"Yes," said the grocer.
"And what about sugar? Do you have any sugar?"
"Yes," said the grocer.
"And do you have butter? Surely you have butter!"
"Yes," said the grocer.
"So, isn't it obvious? Everything you need is here!" Nasruddin concluded. "If you have flour and sugar and butter, why don't you go make some halvah?"
~ 135. Nasruddin and the Box ~
Nasruddin's friend gave him a box for safekeeping. "I'll be back to collect it tomorrow or the day after. But whatever you do, don't look in the box!"
"I understand," said Nasruddin. "Don't worry."
"Thank you!" said Nasruddin's friend, and he left.
Of course Nasruddin immediately opened the box. There was baklava inside!
He ate one piece.
Then another.
And another.
Finally he had eaten it all.
When his friend returned for the box, he opened it and saw it was empty.
"What happened to the baklava?" he asked.
"Don't ask," Nasruddin replied, "and I won't have to tell you."
~ 136. Nasruddin and the Baklava ~
Nasruddin was a holy man's disciple.
Another disciple brought their master a plate of baklava, and he didn't want Nasruddin to eat any.
"This is from our master's enemies," he told Nasruddin. "I suspect it's poisoned, so don't touch it!"
The disciple left, and Nasruddin couldn't resist. He grabbed the baklava, but he dropped the plate. Crash!
The other disciple rushed in to see what had happened and found Nasruddin down on all fours, eating baklava.
"I dropped the plate!" Nasruddin confessed. "In my shame, I wanted to die, so I'm eating as much of the poison as I can."
~ 137. Nasruddin's Lunch ~
Nasruddin was working as a laborer, and each day he ate lunch in the company of his fellow workers.
"Nothing but bread and cheese," Nasruddin would say each day as he looked longingly at the food the other men had for their lunch. He saw dolmas, kebabs, tabbouleh, yogurt, pilaf, all kinds of food.
"You complain like this every day," one of the men said to Nasruddin. "You should tell your wife to make you something different for lunch."
"I'm not married," said Nasruddin.
"Who makes your lunch then?"
"I do," Nasruddin admitted, staring sadly at his bread and cheese.
~ 138. Nasruddin Divides the Walnuts ~
"Help us!" the boys said to Nasruddin. "We have this bag of walnuts but we don't know how to divide them."
"Do you want to divide them God's way, or the human way?"
"God's way!" shouted the boys.
So Nasruddin gave two handfuls to one boy, a handful to another, a few walnuts to the third, and none to the fourth.
The boys looked at him in confusion.
"All things come from God, not just walnuts," Nasruddin explained. "Life itself is a gift from God! As for walnuts: he gives more to some, less to others, and some get none."
~ 139. Walnuts and Watermelons ~
One afternoon, Nasruddin was resting in the shade of a walnut tree next to a watermelon patch.
"What a strange world this is!" he exclaimed. "Tiny walnuts are growing on this enormous tree, while the watermelons are lying there in the dirt, growing on those scrawny vines. If I were in charge, I'd arrange things in a much more logical way."
Then a walnut happened to fall on Nasruddin's head.
"Praise God, now I understand!" he exclaimed. "It is because of Divine Providence that I was hit on the head by this tiny walnut and not by an enormous watermelon."
~ 140. Nasruddin's Debt ~
Desperate for money, Nasruddin put his winter coat up for sale, and he soon found a buyer.
"Wait here," the buyer said, taking the coat. "I'll be right back with the money."
But the man did not come back, so Nasruddin lost his coat and still had no money.
As he walked past the baker's shop, he quietly grabbed some pastries which he took home for supper.
"O God," said Nasruddin, "I need you to please pay the baker for these pastries! You can just take it out of the money the man still owes me for my winter coat."
~ 141. Nasruddin Gets a Gift from God ~
Nasruddin was praying outside one night. "O God," he cried, "please reward me for my devoted service. I'm asking for a hundred gold coins, and I'll accept nothing less."
Nasruddin's neighbor heard this and, as a joke, he tossed down a bag containing some coins.
"Praise God!" Nasruddin exclaimed when he opened the bag and saw the money.
"Wait a minute!" shouted the neighbor. "You said you'd accept nothing less than a hundred gold coins. There's nowhere near that much in the bag."
"Since God kindly gave me this much now," Nasruddin shouted back, "he can owe me the rest."
~ 142. Nasruddin Needs New Clothes ~
The whole town had put on their best clothes for the mayor's birthday parade.
Ashamed of his threadbare garments, Nasruddin was hiding in an alley as the parade went by. "O God," he prayed, "please give me some new clothes!"
At that moment, a man who had bought new clothes for the celebration threw his old clothes down into the alley. Joyfully, Nasruddin grabbed the bundle, only to discover these clothes were even more shabby than his own.
"God," said Nasruddin, "you're going to have to do better than this!" and he threw the bundle back up in the air.
~ 143. The Donkey on the Ledge ~
As Nasruddin was leading his donkey down a steep mountain path, the donkey stumbled and fell.
"O God," Nasruddin shouted, "if you save my poor donkey, I'll donate a gold coin to the mosque!"
Miraculously, the donkey landed on the ledge below. Nasruddin was amazed. "Thank you, God!" he exclaimed. "I had no idea you were so desperate for cash!"
Then the ledge under the donkey started to crumble.
"Okay, God, okay! I'll donate two gold coins."
Then the ledge collapsed and the donkey plunged to its death. Nasruddin sighed. "I never thought God would drive such a hard bargain."
~ 144. The Cow and the Colt ~
Nasruddin's donkey had given birth but died in labor.
Nasruddin wanted to save the donkey's colt, but that meant giving it milk from the cow, and Nasruddin needed that cow's milk for his own family.
In despair, he prayed. "O God," he cried, "please relieve me of this burden and take the little colt into heaven as you did its mother."
Nasruddin was shocked to discover the next morning that his cow was dead, not the colt.
"O God," he cried, "I don't understand! How is it possible that you can't tell the difference between a cow and a donkey?"
~ 145. Big Mosque, Little Mosque ~
Nasruddin had gone to the city to settle some business, but things were not turning out well.
"You should go pray in the big mosque," Nasruddin's business partner told him. "Maybe God will help us."
Nasruddin prayed in the big mosque, but his business still went badly.
He then went and prayed in a small mosque, and the next day he was able to settle his business matters favorably.
Nasruddin then returned to the big mosque and said, "Shame on you, big mosque! You look powerful and important, but it was the little mosque who finally helped me, not you."
~ 146. Nasruddin and God's Own Guest ~
A dervish arrived at Nasruddin's house one night, dressed in fine garments and wearing an impressive turban. "I come as God's own guest," he proclaimed loudly, "and I thank you in advance for food and drink and also a bed in which to rest."
Without a word, Nasruddin took the dervish by the arm and led him down the street to the mosque.
"But this place is empty and cold!" shouted the dervish. "I will find no comforts here."
"You yourself said you were God's own guest!" replied Nasruddin. "So please make yourself at home here in God's own house."
~ 147. The Door to Nasruddin's House ~
Nasruddin had been robbed many times, but this was something new: a thief came in the night and stole Nasruddin's door.
When Nasruddin saw what had happened, he marched to the mosque and took that door off its hinges. He then carried it home and set it up in place of his own missing door.
"I recognize that door!" shouted his wife. "That's the door to the mosque. What do you think you're doing?"
"God only knows who stole our door," he replied. "And when God tells me the name of the thief, I'll return the door to his mosque."
~ 148. Nasruddin and his Dog ~
The imam came to see Nasruddin and discovered there was a dog in Nasruddin's kitchen.
"What is this unclean beast doing in your kitchen?" he shouted.
"This is my watchdog," said Nasruddin. "He's also good at herding goats."
"You must drive this dog out of your house before God sends his avenging angels to punish you!"
"About those angels," said Nasruddin, "are they going to watch out for thieves and herd my goats?"
"Of course not!" exclaimed the imam. "That's not a job for God's angels."
"Well then," said Nasruddin, "I think I'm going to have to keep my dog."
~ 149. Nasruddin and the Stray Goat ~
A stray goat wandered into Nasruddin's yard. Nasruddin killed the goat and told his wife to cook the meat in a stew.
The goat stew was delicious, but then Nasruddin felt guilty about what he had done and confessed to his wife.
"You have committed a sin!" she shouted, shaking her fist at her husband. "God will call you to account."
"Then I'll tell God I never saw the goat," said Nasruddin.
"God might resurrect the goat as a witness!" his wife replied.
Nasruddin smiled and said, "Then I'll grab the goat and give it back to its real owner."
~ 150. Nasruddin on the Run ~
Nasruddin was making a journey through the mountains when he was attacked by a band of robbers. Thanks to some good luck he was able to escape, but he knew the robbers were not far behind him.
As he ran, he saw a wandering holy man beside the road. "Hide yourself!" Nasruddin shouted at the dervish. "Robbers are coming! They'll kill you for sure!"
"I serve God," replied the dervish, "and I know he will protect me."
"Well, that's good," said Nasruddin as he disappeared down the road. "But just in case, you might want to find a hiding place!"
