You can also find storytelling ideas here: Teaching Guide, see #170-180.
~ 51. Nasruddin's Wife and the Stew ~
"Here are four kilos of meat," Nasruddin told his wife. "Please make a nice stew! I'm going out now to invite all my friends."
Nasruddin's wife made the stew but it smelled so good that she invited her friends over, and they ate all the stew.
When Nasruddin got home, his wife shouted, "That cat gobbled the meat before I could cook it!"
Nasruddin looked at her suspiciously. He grabbed the cat and put it on the scales.
"Four kilos!" he said. "So, if this is the cat, where's the meat? And if this is the meat, where's the cat?"
~ 52. How Old is Nasruddin's Wife? ~
One evening Nasruddin turned to his wife and asked, "How old are you?"
"I don't know," she replied.
"What do you mean you don't know? You keep track of everything!" Nasruddin exclaimed. "You know how many knives and forks we have, and how many pots and pans. You could probably tell me how many grains of rice there are in the pantry. How can you not know how old you are?"
"I keep household accounts so that I'll know if someone steals something," she replied. "But nobody is going to steal my age, so what's the point in keeping track?"
~ 53. No Room in the Bed ~
Nasruddin and his wife had a very small bed. One night, Nasruddin's wife couldn't take it anymore. "You're not giving me any space at all!" she shouted. "Get up and go! Just go!"
"Go where?" Nasruddin asked, barely awake.
"I don't care! I just need some space in the bed so I can sleep."
Nasruddin started walking.
Eventually, he ran into the nightwatchman who was patrolling the town.
"What are you doing out in the middle of the night?" he asked.
"I'm giving my wife some space," Nasruddin explained. "Could you please go ask her if this is far enough?"
~ 54. Itching and Scratching ~
Nasruddin and his wife lived in a small house and shared a small bed; they had just a single pillow.
One night Nasruddin's head itched so badly that the itchy feeling woke him up. He scratched and scratched, but it didn't do any good. "What an itch!" he thought to himself.
Then his wife yelled, "Stop scratching my head! I'm trying to sleep."
"My apologies, dearest," said Nasruddin. "Go back to sleep."
Nasruddin then felt around until he found his own head.
"Ah," he said to himself, happily scratching the itch. "That explains it. I was scratching the wrong head."
~ 55. Is Someone Snoring? ~
Nasruddin's wife complained that she couldn't sleep. "How can anybody sleep with all that loud snoring!" she said.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Nasruddin replied. "Nothing is disturbing my sleep! But if it will make you feel better, I'll stay awake tonight and investigate."
In the morning he informed his wife of the results. "I didn't hear any snoring," Nasruddin declared. "I stayed awake all night listening, and there wasn't anybody snoring. So, my dear, the only logical conclusion is that you dreamed about someone snoring. To improve your sleep, I'd advise you to dream more softly."
~ 56. Spouses, Past and Present ~
Nasruddin's wife died, and eventually he married again. The woman he married was also widowed.
One night as they were lying in bed, Nasruddin's wife began to reminisce about her late husband. "He was so strong, and so handsome!" she said. Then she added, "Unlike some people I know."
"My late wife," said Nasruddin, "was so beautiful, and such a good cook." Then he added, "Unlike some people I know."
As they quarreled, the bed suddenly collapsed underneath them, throwing them both on the floor.
"I didn't think our bed would be strong enough to hold four people," Nasruddin observed.
~ 57. The Sound of a Cloak ~
Nasruddin and his wife were arguing loudly, and the neighbors heard everything, as usual.
But then there was a loud bump bump bump and finally a big thump.
The arguing stopped after that, and the neighbors wondered what had happened.
The next day one of the neighbors said to Nasruddin, "What happened last night? Is everything okay at your house?"
"Everything's fine!" Nasruddin replied. "My wife just threw my cloak down the stairs."
"I didn't think a cloak could have made that much noise," said the neighbor.
"Well," Nasruddin admitted, "I happened to be wearing the cloak at the time."
~ 58. Nasruddin's Two Wives ~
Nasruddin had two wives and he loved them both, but they were very jealous of one another, always competing for his affections.
In order to make peace in the house, Nasruddin got two identical green ribbons. He took each wife aside in private and gave her one of the ribbons. "Wear this under your clothes, but secretly; don't show or tell anyone."
The next time the two wives ambushed him, asking which of them he loved more, Nasruddin smiled and said, "All I will say is that the one wearing the green ribbon is the one I love the most."
~ 59. Who Will Feed the Donkey? ~
Nasruddin and his wife were arguing about whose turn it was to feed the donkey. Finally they agreed: whoever spoke the next word would have to go feed the donkey.
So, neither one spoke a word all day.
And neither one spoke a word all evening.
In the night, a thief came and broke into their house.
Nasruddin saw him carrying away their clothes, their furniture, everything, but he said nothing at all.
In the morning, his wife saw what had happened and yelled, "We've been robbed!"
Nasruddin laughed in triumph. "And now you have to go feed the donkey!"
~ 60. The Burglar in the Well ~
Nasruddin awoke to the sound of a burglar outside. He crept into the yard but saw nobody, and then he looked in the well. Sure enough, he saw a man's face in the water.
"Don't you even think about trying to escape!" he shouted down at the burglar.
He then rushed inside to get dressed. "I'll fetch the police!" he said. "You go keep an eye on the burglar in the well!"
His wife hurried outside and peered down into the well.
"Oh, I see another one!" she shouted. "He must have brought his wife with him as an accomplice."
~ 61. The Bread in the Pond ~
Nasruddin's son was walking by the pond eating some bread. When he leaned over to look in the water, the bread fell out of his hand.
Then he saw that another boy in the pond had taken his bread, so he ran home crying and told his father what had happened. "Someone in the pond stole my bread!" he sobbed.
Nasruddin went to the pond and looked in the water. He saw a bearded man, about his own age.
"Hey there, old man!" he shouted. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself, stealing bread from a little boy like that."
~ 62. Nasruddin Was Robbed ~
Nasruddin and his wife returned home after a long journey to find that robbers had broken into their home and stolen everything.
Of course, everyone had their own opinion about what had happened.
"You probably forgot to lock the door!" Nasruddin's wife exclaimed.
"I told you to put bars on the windows!" said a friend.
"Leaving the house unattended for such a long time is very risky!" observed a neighbor.
Everyone chimed in, and they all blamed Nasruddin.
Finally, Nasruddin couldn't take it anymore and shouted, "Is there no one here who will put the blame on the actual robbers?"
~ 63. Nasruddin in the Cupboard ~
During the night, Nasruddin heard robbers ransacking his house, so he quietly crept downstairs and hid in the cupboard. He then listened as the robbers worked their way through the house, cursing and swearing. They were not able to find anything worth stealing, and Nasruddin could tell they were getting more and more angry.
Finally, one of the robbers opened the cupboard door and discovered Nasruddin there, cowering in his nightshirt.
"What are you doing in this cupboard?" the robber yelled at him.
"I'm hiding here in shame," said Nasruddin apologetically, "because there is nothing worth stealing in my house."
~ 64. The Burglar in the Dark ~
Nasruddin awoke to the sound of a burglar in his house. He got up, crept downstairs, and found the burglar stuffing all kinds of household objects into his sack.
"Excuse me," said Nasruddin, startling the burglar, who stared at Nasruddin in surprise.
"It's dark now, of course," continued Nasruddin, "so it's entirely possible you don't realize what you're doing. You seem to think these objects have some kind of value. But the fact is that they don't have any value at all. I've seen these objects in broad daylight, and I can assure you that everything here is completely worthless."
~ 65. Bags of Loot ~
Nasruddin's wife woke him in the middle of the night. "I heard burglars!" she whispered. "I saw them leaving their bags of loot in the garden, and then I heard them come into our house. It sounds like they're in the kitchen."
Nasruddin leaped out of bed, pulled on his clothes, and began to climb out of the bedroom window into the garden.
"What are you doing?" his wife asked.
"I'm going to sneak outside," Nasruddin whispered, "and steal the loot from other people's houses while the thieves waste their time looking for something worth stealing here inside our house."
~ 66. The Thief with a Wagon ~
Nasruddin and his wife had been visiting relatives and arrived back home just as a thief was loading the last of their furniture into a wagon.
"Let's follow him!" Nasruddin whispered to his wife.
When the thief arrived at his own house, he began unloading Nasruddin's furniture.
"I'll give you a hand!" Nasruddin said. "Wife, go see if there's something to eat in the kitchen."
"Hey!" said the thief. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Isn't this our new house?" asked Nasruddin. "I saw all our furniture on your wagon and thought you were moving us to a new house."
~ 67. The Thief and Nasruddin's Rooster ~
Nasruddin heard squawking from the henhouse during the night. "It must be a thief," he thought, and he ran outside, where he found a man creeping away from the henhouse.
By the light of the moon, Nasruddin could clearly see a rooster's tail-feathers sticking out from under the man's cloak.
"Give me back my rooster, you thief!" shouted Nasruddin.
The man stood up straight and answered back, "Sir, please believe me! I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."
"And do you think I'm going to believe you," Nasruddin replied, "or am I going to believe the rooster's tail-feathers?"
~ 68. Nasruddin and the Thief's Shoes ~
Nasruddin awoke when he heard a thief in his house. He crept downstairs and saw the thief had politely left his shoes by the door. Nasruddin grabbed the shoes, and then shouted, "Thief! Thief!"
The thief ran to the door and, when he saw his shoes were gone, he dashed barefoot into the street.
Nasruddin chased him, shouting, "Thief! Thief!"
People rushed out of their houses and easily caught the criminal.
"This is not fair!" the thief protested. "This is not right!"
Then he pointed at Nasruddin accusingly. "I took nothing from that man's house, but he stole my shoes!"
~ 69. Nasruddin and the Apple Tree ~
As he was riding past an apple orchard, Nasruddin was seized by a desire for apples, so he led his donkey up to one of the trees.
Then, standing on the donkey's back, he reached up and grabbed hold of a branch.
Just as he was about to pick an apple, though, the orchard's owner came running up. This startled the donkey, who bolted and left Nasruddin dangling from the branch.
"Get down from there!" the man shouted. "I'm going to have you arrested for stealing my apples!"
"I'm no thief," Nasruddin shouted back. "I just fell off my donkey."
~ 70. Nasruddin and the Wind ~
Nasruddin was raiding a garden when the garden's owner caught him in the act.
"What are you doing?" shouted the owner.
"Well, you see," said Nasruddin, trying to think of an explanation, "I was blown here by the wind."
"What about all those vegetables lying here that someone has pulled up out of the ground?"
"I grabbed hold of those vegetables to stop my flight," Nasruddin replied.
"And what about that big bag full of vegetables you are holding in your hand?"
"This is ballast," said Nasruddin, "in case the wind starts blowing and tries to carry me off again!"
~ 71. Nasruddin the Nightingale ~
Nasruddin had broken into an apricot orchard and climbed a tree.
As he was stuffing his pockets with apricots, the owner of the orchard discovered him.
"What are you doing up in that tree?" the man shouted.
Nasruddin said nothing.
"I repeat: what are you doing up there?"
"Are you talking to me?" asked Nasruddin.
"Yes, you!"
"I'm just a nightingale," said Nasruddin. "This tree is my home."
"If you're a nightingale, sing!" said the man.
Nasruddin sang. He sang very badly.
"You don't sound like a nightingale!"
"I'm a young nightingale," said Nasruddin. "I'm still just learning to sing."
~ 72. Nasruddin's Ladder ~
Nasruddin was fond of fruit, and he was also fond of raiding his neighbor's orchards.
One night he had just lowered a ladder into someone's orchard in order to raid it, but the orchard's owner caught him in the act.
"What are you doing with that ladder?" the man shouted at him.
"Are you talking about this ladder?" asked Nasruddin. "Well, to tell the truth, I'm just trying to sell this ladder."
"You can't sell a ladder here!" the man replied.
"I beg to differ," said Nasruddin indignantly. "A ladder can be sold anywhere! Do you want to buy it?"
~ 73. Nasruddin and the Tailor ~
Nasruddin went into a tailor's shop. "I'd like to try on a pair of trousers."
The tailor gave him the trousers, and Nasruddin tried them on.
"They're not quite right," he said, giving them back to the tailor. "I'd like to try a jacket now, please."
Nasruddin liked the jacket very much. "I'll take it!" he said, and then he began to walk out the door.
"But wait!" shouted the tailor. "You haven't paid!"
"I exchanged the trousers for the jacket," Nasruddin explained.
"But you didn't pay for the trousers!"
"Of course not!" said Nasruddin. "I didn't want the trousers!"
~ 74. Nasruddin and the Porter ~
Nasruddin needed to hire a porter to take home four large sacks of grain he had bought at the market.
Just outside the market, he found a porter with a wagon.
"Good day, sir!" said Nasruddin.
"Good day to you!" replied the porter.
"How much will you charge to take me and my purchases to my house?" Nasruddin asked.
"That will be four copper coins for you," said the porter. "No charge for the purchases."
"Excellent!" said Nasruddin as he started heaving the sacks of grain onto the wagon. "You just take my purchases home, and I'll follow on foot."
~ 75. Nasruddin and the Wealthy Merchant ~
Nasruddin once found himself traveling in the company of a wealthy merchant.
"The more wealthy I am, the more wealthy I become," said the merchant proudly. "Look at my fine boots and your shabby sandals, my thoroughbred horse and your broken-down donkey, my elegant garments and your threadbare cloak..."
As the merchant was speaking, robbers suddenly rode up and attacked them, stripping the merchant of his clothes and stealing his horse. Meanwhile, they ignored Nasruddin and his donkey.
"Remarkable!" said Nasruddin, "The more wealthy you were, the more you had to lose, while my circumstances remain the same as before."
~ 76. Donkeys and Horses ~
Nasruddin was riding his donkey along the road when a rich man on a fine horse rode up alongside him.
"I've been watching you and your donkey," he said, "and you are a sorry-looking sight. I don't know who looks more pathetic: you or your donkey!"
Nasruddin did not reply.
"I'm talking to you!" shouted the rich man. "Don't you have anything to say?"
"Excuse me," said Nasruddin apologetically. "I was just so surprised that I didn't know what to say."
"What do you mean you were surprised?"
Nasruddin smiled. "I've never actually seen a donkey riding a horse before!"
~ 77. The Cabbage and the Cooking-Pot ~
Nasruddin and his friends were sitting in the coffeehouse, boasting.
"I once grew a cucumber as long as my arm," one man said.
"That's nothing!" said another. "I once grew a watermelon as big as a sheep."
"Ha!" said another. "I've got you both beat: I once grew a head of cabbage that was as large as an elephant."
Then Nasruddin said, "Just yesterday I bought a cooking-pot as big as a polo field."
"That's ridiculous!" the men shouted at Nasruddin. "Why would anyone want a pot that big?"
"In order to cook that head of cabbage!" replied Nasruddin, smiling.
~ 78. Jokes in the Coffeehouse ~
Nasruddin and his friends were sitting in the coffeehouse, and one of them decided to tell a joke. It was a very long joke, and the man told the joke very badly.
Everyone squirmed in their seats as they listened to his performance.
Finally, the joker reached the punchline, which he bungled.
No one laughed... except Nasruddin.
Later, one of Nasruddin's friends asked him, "Why did you laugh at that joke? It wasn't funny at all."
"You should always laugh at the joke," Nasruddin told him. "If you don't, there's a possibility that they might try to tell it again."
~ 79. A Token of Friendship ~
One of Nasruddin's dearest friends was moving away to a distant city.
"I'll miss you," said Nasruddin's friend.
"I'll miss you too," Nasruddin replied.
"Hey, I've got an idea!" said his friend. "Why don't you give me that gold ring of yours as a memento? Then, whenever I look at that ring on my finger, I'll remember that you gave it to me."
Nasruddin thought for a moment.
"I've got a better idea," he said. "I won't give you my gold ring, and that way whenever you look at your finger, you'll remember that I didn't give it to you."
~ 80. Getting Fooled by Nasruddin ~
Nasruddin had a friend he'd known for a long time.
"You're quite the trickster," Nasruddin's friend said, "but I've seen all your tricks. You can fool everybody else, but you can't fool me."
Nasruddin scratched his head thoughtfully and then he said, "Wait here! I think I know a way to fool you. I'll be right back!"
"Okay," the man agreed. "You can try if you want, but I'm going to be on my guard!"
The man stood there and waited.
And waited.
And as he was waiting, he realized ... Nasruddin wasn't coming back.
Nasruddin had fooled him after all.
~ 81. Nasruddin on the Roof ~
A man down on the ground was shouting to Nasruddin up on the roof. "Please, sir, come here!"
Nasruddin climbed down and asked the man what he wanted.
"I need money," the man explained.
"Why didn't you just say so?" said Nasruddin. "Instead, you made me climb down."
"I was embarrassed to shout it out loud," the man explained.
Nasruddin told the man to come up on the roof. Then, once they were both up on the roof, Nasruddin told the man he had nothing to give him.
"Why didn't you just say so?" the man asked.
Nasruddin just smiled.
~ 82. An Unexpected Visit from Nasruddin ~
Nasruddin decided to pay his friend an unexpected visit.
From the upstairs window, the man could see Nasruddin coming. "It's Nasruddin!" he shouted to his wife. "Tell him I'm not home."
When Nasruddin knocked at the door, the man's wife answered. "My husband has gone out," she said apologetically. "He's not here right now."
Nasruddin looked up and saw the man in the upstairs window.
"Please tell him that I called," Nasruddin said. "And you might also let him know that when he goes out, he should take his head with him instead of hanging it there in the window."
~ 83. Nasruddin Eating Eggs ~
Nasruddin was sitting in a chair outside, eating eggs for dinner. He didn't usually eat dinner outside, and eggs were not his usual dinner, but so it was: Nasruddin was sitting in a chair outside, eating eggs for dinner.
One of Nasruddin's neighbors happened to walk by, and he just couldn't keep quiet. "Hey there, Nasruddin," he said, "why are you sitting in your chair eating eggs like that?"
Nasruddin looked up and replied, "Would it be better if I sat in the eggs and ate the chair?"
The best way to answer a foolish question is with another question.
~ 84. Nasruddin and the Philosopher's Questions ~
A renowned philosopher traveled to Nasruddin's town to challenge him in a contest of wisdom. Everyone gathered to see the show, hoping that Nasruddin would uphold the honor of their town.
To begin the contest, the challenger asked if Nasruddin wanted to answer one hundred easy questions or just one hard question.
"I'll take the one hard question," Nasruddin said.
"Which came first: the chicken or the egg?"
"The chicken," replied Nasruddin confidently.
The philosopher was surprised by Nasruddin's answer. "How can you be so sure?"
"Ah," said Nasruddin, "that is your second question. I agreed to answer only one."
~ 85. Nasruddin Rewards His Son ~
Nasruddin's son received a good report from his teacher at school.
"Son, I'm proud of you," said Nasruddin. "You may make a request of me, and I will grant it."
The son was taken aback by this generous offer. "May I have a day to think about it?" he asked.
"Yes," said Nasruddin.
The boy came back the next day and said, "Father, I want a donkey."
"Well, that would be two requests now, wouldn't it? I already granted your request for a day to think things over."
Nasruddin's son was disappointed, but not surprised: he should have known better!
~ 86. Nasruddin Gets a Haircut ~
Nasruddin and a little boy walked into a barbershop together. "Do me first, and then the boy here," Nasruddin said.
The barber gave Nasruddin a haircut and as he was giving the boy a haircut, Nasruddin strolled out of the shop.
When he had finished, the barber waited for Nasruddin to come back and pay.
Finally he asked the boy, "When do you think your father will be back?"
"Oh, that's not my father," said the boy. "He just picked me up off the street out there and said, 'Let's go get us some free haircuts' ... and so we did!"
~ 87. Nasruddin and the Tall Tree ~
The village boys wanted to trick Nasruddin and steal his new shoes.
"Look at this tall tree!" they shouted. "We're too small to climb it, but maybe you can."
Nasruddin looked at the tree, smiled and said, "That would be fun. I'll try!"
So, Nasruddin took off his new shoes. Next, he tucked the shoes inside his belt. Then he began climbing.
"Wait!" shouted the boys. "Why are you taking your shoes with you?"
"This tree is so tall that it might lead all the way to heaven," Nasruddin replied, "and I'll need my shoes to walk around up there."
~ 88. Nasruddin's Playful Turban ~
It was a windy day and as Nasruddin was walking home, a big gust of wind blew the turban right off his head. Some children who were playing nearby grabbed the turban and began tossing it back and forth.
Nasruddin chased the children, hoping to get his turban back. "Hey there, children!" he said. "Give me back my turban!"
Then, when he saw how much fun the children were having, he gave up and went home.
"Where's your turban?" Nasruddin's wife asked. "Did you leave it somewhere?"
"It suddenly remembered its childhood," replied Nasruddin, "and it decided to go play."
~ 89. Young Nasruddin and the Tall Tales ~
When he was a young boy, Nasruddin liked to sit around the fires of the passing caravans and listen to travelers' tales about faraway places. He enjoyed the stories of valiant warriors in battle, tales of genies and magic, and most of all he enjoyed the anecdotes about the very strange habits of people who lived in distant lands.
"I once visited a land that was so hot all year long," one traveler claimed, "that no one in their country wore any clothes."
"Impossible!" protested Nasruddin. "Without clothes, how would you be able to tell the men from the women?"
~ 90. Naked Nasruddin ~
One morning Nasruddin arrived at school not wearing any clothes. He was completely naked! All the other schoolboys laughed at him, but the teacher was not amused. In fact, he was very angry.
"Nasruddin, explain yourself!" said the teacher sternly. "What on earth are you doing here without any clothes on?"
"Just let me explain," Nasruddin replied, smiling brightly at the teacher. "I woke up late, so I was in a big hurry and I ran just as fast as I could. I simply didn't have time to get dressed if I wanted to get here to school on time."
~ 91. Nasruddin and the Village Boys ~
Nasruddin met some boys from the village and decided to play a trick on them.
"Hey!" he shouted. "Did you know it's the mayor's birthday? There's a party with music and dancing and all the food you can eat. You better hurry and run to the mayor's house as fast as you can!"
"Thank you, Nasruddin!" shouted the boys, and they immediately dashed off towards the mayor's house.
Then Nasruddin thought to himself, "You know, it really might be the mayor's birthday after all..." and he began to run after the boys.
"Wait for me!" he shouted. "I'm coming too!"
~ 92. Nasruddin and the Grapes ~
Nasruddin was on his way home carrying a basket full of bunches of grapes when he ran into some children along the way.
"Give us some grapes, Nasruddin!" shouted the children. "Please, Nasruddin, share your grapes with us!"
Nasruddin really didn't want to share his grapes with the children, but the children insisted.
Reluctantly, he took some grapes from the basket and cut each grape in half. He then gave each child half a grape.
"Give us more!" the children complained.
"All the grapes in this basket taste the same," Nasruddin explained. "Half of a grape is all you need."
~ 93. Nasruddin and the Sugar ~
A mother brought her son to see Nasruddin. "My son eats too much sugar," she said. "Please make him stop!"
Nasruddin patted the boy on the head and said, "Come back in two weeks and we'll see what we can do."
The mother promised to return in two weeks.
At their next meeting, Nasruddin looked at the boy and said sternly, "You must stop eating sugar!"
"Why did we have to wait two weeks for you to say that?" asked the mother.
"I had to make myself stop eating sugar," replied Nasruddin, "before telling someone else to do the same."
~ 94. Nasruddin and the Hooligan ~
One of the local hooligans threw a rock at Nasruddin's donkey. Nasruddin saw what the boy had done but, instead of yelling at him, he laughed.
"You're a very good shot!" Nasruddin exclaimed. "I'm impressed. But my donkey is not a worthy target for someone of your talent. You deserve a better target!"
Nasruddin then noticed the mayor riding by on his horse.
"Like the mayor, for example," Nasruddin said, pointing.
The boy threw a rock at the horse's rump, and when the horse reared, the mayor tumbled to the ground.
"Arrest that boy!" the mayor shouted.
Nasruddin just smiled.
~ 95. Nasruddin and the Donkey-Boy ~
Nasruddin bought a donkey and was leading it home. On the way, a thief stole the donkey and left his young son in the harness.
When he got home, Nasruddin was surprised to see his donkey had turned into a boy.
"For my bad behavior, my mother cursed me to become a donkey," the boy said. "But I repented, and now I'm human again."
"Make sure you don't misbehave in future!" Nasruddin said, sending the boy home.
The next day Nasruddin saw the same donkey at the market. "You bad boy!" said Nasruddin. "Didn't I tell you to behave yourself?"
~ 96. Frightening Nasruddin ~
"Our son won't do his chores," said Nasruddin's wife. "You must frighten him to make him behave!"
Nasruddin jumped up and began to scream. He stuck out his tongue and shook his fists wildly. He then grabbed a knife.
At this, Nasruddin's wife started sobbing, and Nasruddin himself ran out of the room.
When he returned, his wife was still crying, and his son was hiding under a chair.
"Why did you run away?" she asked.
"I scared even myself," Nasruddin admitted. "Terror easily gets out of control. I meant to frighten our son, and instead I frightened us all."
~ 97. Big Pot, Little Pot ~
Nasruddin borrowed a big cooking pot from his neighbor. When he returned it, he placed a little pot inside the big pot.
"What's this?" asked his neighbor.
"Your big pot gave birth to a little baby pot," Nasruddin explained.
The neighbor laughed, and he kept the little pot.
Nasruddin borrowed the big pot again later, but he didn't return it.
When his neighbor asked for it back, Nasruddin said, "I'm sorry, but your pot died."
"What do you mean it died?" exclaimed the neighbor. "Pots can't die!"
"If pots can give birth, of course they can die," replied Nasruddin, smiling.
~ 98. Nasruddin Goes Upstairs ~
Nasruddin had invited his friends to dinner. "They're coming right behind me," he said to his wife when he got home.
"But there's no food in the house!" she exclaimed.
"What will we do?" groaned Nasruddin.
"Go upstairs! I'll do the rest."
A moment later, Nasruddin's friends knocked at the door. "Your husband invited us for dinner!" they said.
"Alas, my husband has gone out," his wife told them. "I don't know when he'll be back."
"But we saw him come in!"
"I could have gone out the back!" Nasruddin shouted from upstairs. "You didn't think of that, did you?"
~ 99. Nasruddin Thinks of Soup ~
Nasruddin was hungry, but he had nothing to eat in the house. He sat in the kitchen, dreaming of soup. A nice noodle soup with beans and lentils, some onion and spinach, seasoned with some turmeric, yogurt on the side...
Then, as Nasruddin was thinking about that soup, he heard a knock at the door. It was his neighbor's young son.
"Please, Nasruddin," said the boy, "if you have cooked a pot of soup here, may we please have some?"
The boy then held out an empty bowl.
"Incredible!" Nasruddin exclaimed. "The neighbors can smell even the thought of soup."
~ 100. Nasruddin's Clothesline ~
A neighbor asked to borrow Nasruddin's clothesline.
"I'm afraid that's not possible," said Nasruddin. He tried to sound apologetic, but he really didn't want to loan anything to anyone. "I'm using the clothesline right now."
"But I didn't see any clothes drying outside. What are you using it for?"
"I'm using it to dry flour," Nasruddin explained. "I spilled some water and the flour got wet. The flour is still drying."
"You can't use a clothesline for drying flour!" exclaimed the neighbor. "That's impossible!"
"It's completely possible," Nasruddin replied calmly, "when your purpose is to avoid loaning out your clothesline."
You'll want to click on track 51 to start the audio portion for this section:
~ 51. Nasruddin's Wife and the Stew ~
"Here are four kilos of meat," Nasruddin told his wife. "Please make a nice stew! I'm going out now to invite all my friends."
Nasruddin's wife made the stew but it smelled so good that she invited her friends over, and they ate all the stew.
When Nasruddin got home, his wife shouted, "That cat gobbled the meat before I could cook it!"
Nasruddin looked at her suspiciously. He grabbed the cat and put it on the scales.
"Four kilos!" he said. "So, if this is the cat, where's the meat? And if this is the meat, where's the cat?"
~ 52. How Old is Nasruddin's Wife? ~
One evening Nasruddin turned to his wife and asked, "How old are you?"
"I don't know," she replied.
"What do you mean you don't know? You keep track of everything!" Nasruddin exclaimed. "You know how many knives and forks we have, and how many pots and pans. You could probably tell me how many grains of rice there are in the pantry. How can you not know how old you are?"
"I keep household accounts so that I'll know if someone steals something," she replied. "But nobody is going to steal my age, so what's the point in keeping track?"
~ 53. No Room in the Bed ~
Nasruddin and his wife had a very small bed. One night, Nasruddin's wife couldn't take it anymore. "You're not giving me any space at all!" she shouted. "Get up and go! Just go!"
"Go where?" Nasruddin asked, barely awake.
"I don't care! I just need some space in the bed so I can sleep."
Nasruddin started walking.
Eventually, he ran into the nightwatchman who was patrolling the town.
"What are you doing out in the middle of the night?" he asked.
"I'm giving my wife some space," Nasruddin explained. "Could you please go ask her if this is far enough?"
~ 54. Itching and Scratching ~
Nasruddin and his wife lived in a small house and shared a small bed; they had just a single pillow.
One night Nasruddin's head itched so badly that the itchy feeling woke him up. He scratched and scratched, but it didn't do any good. "What an itch!" he thought to himself.
Then his wife yelled, "Stop scratching my head! I'm trying to sleep."
"My apologies, dearest," said Nasruddin. "Go back to sleep."
Nasruddin then felt around until he found his own head.
"Ah," he said to himself, happily scratching the itch. "That explains it. I was scratching the wrong head."
~ 55. Is Someone Snoring? ~
Nasruddin's wife complained that she couldn't sleep. "How can anybody sleep with all that loud snoring!" she said.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Nasruddin replied. "Nothing is disturbing my sleep! But if it will make you feel better, I'll stay awake tonight and investigate."
In the morning he informed his wife of the results. "I didn't hear any snoring," Nasruddin declared. "I stayed awake all night listening, and there wasn't anybody snoring. So, my dear, the only logical conclusion is that you dreamed about someone snoring. To improve your sleep, I'd advise you to dream more softly."
~ 56. Spouses, Past and Present ~
Nasruddin's wife died, and eventually he married again. The woman he married was also widowed.
One night as they were lying in bed, Nasruddin's wife began to reminisce about her late husband. "He was so strong, and so handsome!" she said. Then she added, "Unlike some people I know."
"My late wife," said Nasruddin, "was so beautiful, and such a good cook." Then he added, "Unlike some people I know."
As they quarreled, the bed suddenly collapsed underneath them, throwing them both on the floor.
"I didn't think our bed would be strong enough to hold four people," Nasruddin observed.
~ 57. The Sound of a Cloak ~
Nasruddin and his wife were arguing loudly, and the neighbors heard everything, as usual.
But then there was a loud bump bump bump and finally a big thump.
The arguing stopped after that, and the neighbors wondered what had happened.
The next day one of the neighbors said to Nasruddin, "What happened last night? Is everything okay at your house?"
"Everything's fine!" Nasruddin replied. "My wife just threw my cloak down the stairs."
"I didn't think a cloak could have made that much noise," said the neighbor.
"Well," Nasruddin admitted, "I happened to be wearing the cloak at the time."
~ 58. Nasruddin's Two Wives ~
Nasruddin had two wives and he loved them both, but they were very jealous of one another, always competing for his affections.
In order to make peace in the house, Nasruddin got two identical green ribbons. He took each wife aside in private and gave her one of the ribbons. "Wear this under your clothes, but secretly; don't show or tell anyone."
The next time the two wives ambushed him, asking which of them he loved more, Nasruddin smiled and said, "All I will say is that the one wearing the green ribbon is the one I love the most."
~ 59. Who Will Feed the Donkey? ~
Nasruddin and his wife were arguing about whose turn it was to feed the donkey. Finally they agreed: whoever spoke the next word would have to go feed the donkey.
So, neither one spoke a word all day.
And neither one spoke a word all evening.
In the night, a thief came and broke into their house.
Nasruddin saw him carrying away their clothes, their furniture, everything, but he said nothing at all.
In the morning, his wife saw what had happened and yelled, "We've been robbed!"
Nasruddin laughed in triumph. "And now you have to go feed the donkey!"
~ 60. The Burglar in the Well ~
Nasruddin awoke to the sound of a burglar outside. He crept into the yard but saw nobody, and then he looked in the well. Sure enough, he saw a man's face in the water.
"Don't you even think about trying to escape!" he shouted down at the burglar.
He then rushed inside to get dressed. "I'll fetch the police!" he said. "You go keep an eye on the burglar in the well!"
His wife hurried outside and peered down into the well.
"Oh, I see another one!" she shouted. "He must have brought his wife with him as an accomplice."
~ 61. The Bread in the Pond ~
Nasruddin's son was walking by the pond eating some bread. When he leaned over to look in the water, the bread fell out of his hand.
Then he saw that another boy in the pond had taken his bread, so he ran home crying and told his father what had happened. "Someone in the pond stole my bread!" he sobbed.
Nasruddin went to the pond and looked in the water. He saw a bearded man, about his own age.
"Hey there, old man!" he shouted. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself, stealing bread from a little boy like that."
~ 62. Nasruddin Was Robbed ~
Nasruddin and his wife returned home after a long journey to find that robbers had broken into their home and stolen everything.
Of course, everyone had their own opinion about what had happened.
"You probably forgot to lock the door!" Nasruddin's wife exclaimed.
"I told you to put bars on the windows!" said a friend.
"Leaving the house unattended for such a long time is very risky!" observed a neighbor.
Everyone chimed in, and they all blamed Nasruddin.
Finally, Nasruddin couldn't take it anymore and shouted, "Is there no one here who will put the blame on the actual robbers?"
~ 63. Nasruddin in the Cupboard ~
During the night, Nasruddin heard robbers ransacking his house, so he quietly crept downstairs and hid in the cupboard. He then listened as the robbers worked their way through the house, cursing and swearing. They were not able to find anything worth stealing, and Nasruddin could tell they were getting more and more angry.
Finally, one of the robbers opened the cupboard door and discovered Nasruddin there, cowering in his nightshirt.
"What are you doing in this cupboard?" the robber yelled at him.
"I'm hiding here in shame," said Nasruddin apologetically, "because there is nothing worth stealing in my house."
~ 64. The Burglar in the Dark ~
Nasruddin awoke to the sound of a burglar in his house. He got up, crept downstairs, and found the burglar stuffing all kinds of household objects into his sack.
"Excuse me," said Nasruddin, startling the burglar, who stared at Nasruddin in surprise.
"It's dark now, of course," continued Nasruddin, "so it's entirely possible you don't realize what you're doing. You seem to think these objects have some kind of value. But the fact is that they don't have any value at all. I've seen these objects in broad daylight, and I can assure you that everything here is completely worthless."
~ 65. Bags of Loot ~
Nasruddin's wife woke him in the middle of the night. "I heard burglars!" she whispered. "I saw them leaving their bags of loot in the garden, and then I heard them come into our house. It sounds like they're in the kitchen."
Nasruddin leaped out of bed, pulled on his clothes, and began to climb out of the bedroom window into the garden.
"What are you doing?" his wife asked.
"I'm going to sneak outside," Nasruddin whispered, "and steal the loot from other people's houses while the thieves waste their time looking for something worth stealing here inside our house."
~ 66. The Thief with a Wagon ~
Nasruddin and his wife had been visiting relatives and arrived back home just as a thief was loading the last of their furniture into a wagon.
"Let's follow him!" Nasruddin whispered to his wife.
When the thief arrived at his own house, he began unloading Nasruddin's furniture.
"I'll give you a hand!" Nasruddin said. "Wife, go see if there's something to eat in the kitchen."
"Hey!" said the thief. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Isn't this our new house?" asked Nasruddin. "I saw all our furniture on your wagon and thought you were moving us to a new house."
~ 67. The Thief and Nasruddin's Rooster ~
Nasruddin heard squawking from the henhouse during the night. "It must be a thief," he thought, and he ran outside, where he found a man creeping away from the henhouse.
By the light of the moon, Nasruddin could clearly see a rooster's tail-feathers sticking out from under the man's cloak.
"Give me back my rooster, you thief!" shouted Nasruddin.
The man stood up straight and answered back, "Sir, please believe me! I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about."
"And do you think I'm going to believe you," Nasruddin replied, "or am I going to believe the rooster's tail-feathers?"
~ 68. Nasruddin and the Thief's Shoes ~
Nasruddin awoke when he heard a thief in his house. He crept downstairs and saw the thief had politely left his shoes by the door. Nasruddin grabbed the shoes, and then shouted, "Thief! Thief!"
The thief ran to the door and, when he saw his shoes were gone, he dashed barefoot into the street.
Nasruddin chased him, shouting, "Thief! Thief!"
People rushed out of their houses and easily caught the criminal.
"This is not fair!" the thief protested. "This is not right!"
Then he pointed at Nasruddin accusingly. "I took nothing from that man's house, but he stole my shoes!"
~ 69. Nasruddin and the Apple Tree ~
As he was riding past an apple orchard, Nasruddin was seized by a desire for apples, so he led his donkey up to one of the trees.
Then, standing on the donkey's back, he reached up and grabbed hold of a branch.
Just as he was about to pick an apple, though, the orchard's owner came running up. This startled the donkey, who bolted and left Nasruddin dangling from the branch.
"Get down from there!" the man shouted. "I'm going to have you arrested for stealing my apples!"
"I'm no thief," Nasruddin shouted back. "I just fell off my donkey."
~ 70. Nasruddin and the Wind ~
Nasruddin was raiding a garden when the garden's owner caught him in the act.
"What are you doing?" shouted the owner.
"Well, you see," said Nasruddin, trying to think of an explanation, "I was blown here by the wind."
"What about all those vegetables lying here that someone has pulled up out of the ground?"
"I grabbed hold of those vegetables to stop my flight," Nasruddin replied.
"And what about that big bag full of vegetables you are holding in your hand?"
"This is ballast," said Nasruddin, "in case the wind starts blowing and tries to carry me off again!"
~ 71. Nasruddin the Nightingale ~
Nasruddin had broken into an apricot orchard and climbed a tree.
As he was stuffing his pockets with apricots, the owner of the orchard discovered him.
"What are you doing up in that tree?" the man shouted.
Nasruddin said nothing.
"I repeat: what are you doing up there?"
"Are you talking to me?" asked Nasruddin.
"Yes, you!"
"I'm just a nightingale," said Nasruddin. "This tree is my home."
"If you're a nightingale, sing!" said the man.
Nasruddin sang. He sang very badly.
"You don't sound like a nightingale!"
"I'm a young nightingale," said Nasruddin. "I'm still just learning to sing."
~ 72. Nasruddin's Ladder ~
Nasruddin was fond of fruit, and he was also fond of raiding his neighbor's orchards.
One night he had just lowered a ladder into someone's orchard in order to raid it, but the orchard's owner caught him in the act.
"What are you doing with that ladder?" the man shouted at him.
"Are you talking about this ladder?" asked Nasruddin. "Well, to tell the truth, I'm just trying to sell this ladder."
"You can't sell a ladder here!" the man replied.
"I beg to differ," said Nasruddin indignantly. "A ladder can be sold anywhere! Do you want to buy it?"
~ 73. Nasruddin and the Tailor ~
Nasruddin went into a tailor's shop. "I'd like to try on a pair of trousers."
The tailor gave him the trousers, and Nasruddin tried them on.
"They're not quite right," he said, giving them back to the tailor. "I'd like to try a jacket now, please."
Nasruddin liked the jacket very much. "I'll take it!" he said, and then he began to walk out the door.
"But wait!" shouted the tailor. "You haven't paid!"
"I exchanged the trousers for the jacket," Nasruddin explained.
"But you didn't pay for the trousers!"
"Of course not!" said Nasruddin. "I didn't want the trousers!"
~ 74. Nasruddin and the Porter ~
Nasruddin needed to hire a porter to take home four large sacks of grain he had bought at the market.
Just outside the market, he found a porter with a wagon.
"Good day, sir!" said Nasruddin.
"Good day to you!" replied the porter.
"How much will you charge to take me and my purchases to my house?" Nasruddin asked.
"That will be four copper coins for you," said the porter. "No charge for the purchases."
"Excellent!" said Nasruddin as he started heaving the sacks of grain onto the wagon. "You just take my purchases home, and I'll follow on foot."
~ 75. Nasruddin and the Wealthy Merchant ~
Nasruddin once found himself traveling in the company of a wealthy merchant.
"The more wealthy I am, the more wealthy I become," said the merchant proudly. "Look at my fine boots and your shabby sandals, my thoroughbred horse and your broken-down donkey, my elegant garments and your threadbare cloak..."
As the merchant was speaking, robbers suddenly rode up and attacked them, stripping the merchant of his clothes and stealing his horse. Meanwhile, they ignored Nasruddin and his donkey.
"Remarkable!" said Nasruddin, "The more wealthy you were, the more you had to lose, while my circumstances remain the same as before."
~ 76. Donkeys and Horses ~
Nasruddin was riding his donkey along the road when a rich man on a fine horse rode up alongside him.
"I've been watching you and your donkey," he said, "and you are a sorry-looking sight. I don't know who looks more pathetic: you or your donkey!"
Nasruddin did not reply.
"I'm talking to you!" shouted the rich man. "Don't you have anything to say?"
"Excuse me," said Nasruddin apologetically. "I was just so surprised that I didn't know what to say."
"What do you mean you were surprised?"
Nasruddin smiled. "I've never actually seen a donkey riding a horse before!"
~ 77. The Cabbage and the Cooking-Pot ~
Nasruddin and his friends were sitting in the coffeehouse, boasting.
"I once grew a cucumber as long as my arm," one man said.
"That's nothing!" said another. "I once grew a watermelon as big as a sheep."
"Ha!" said another. "I've got you both beat: I once grew a head of cabbage that was as large as an elephant."
Then Nasruddin said, "Just yesterday I bought a cooking-pot as big as a polo field."
"That's ridiculous!" the men shouted at Nasruddin. "Why would anyone want a pot that big?"
"In order to cook that head of cabbage!" replied Nasruddin, smiling.
~ 78. Jokes in the Coffeehouse ~
Nasruddin and his friends were sitting in the coffeehouse, and one of them decided to tell a joke. It was a very long joke, and the man told the joke very badly.
Everyone squirmed in their seats as they listened to his performance.
Finally, the joker reached the punchline, which he bungled.
No one laughed... except Nasruddin.
Later, one of Nasruddin's friends asked him, "Why did you laugh at that joke? It wasn't funny at all."
"You should always laugh at the joke," Nasruddin told him. "If you don't, there's a possibility that they might try to tell it again."
~ 79. A Token of Friendship ~
One of Nasruddin's dearest friends was moving away to a distant city.
"I'll miss you," said Nasruddin's friend.
"I'll miss you too," Nasruddin replied.
"Hey, I've got an idea!" said his friend. "Why don't you give me that gold ring of yours as a memento? Then, whenever I look at that ring on my finger, I'll remember that you gave it to me."
Nasruddin thought for a moment.
"I've got a better idea," he said. "I won't give you my gold ring, and that way whenever you look at your finger, you'll remember that I didn't give it to you."
~ 80. Getting Fooled by Nasruddin ~
Nasruddin had a friend he'd known for a long time.
"You're quite the trickster," Nasruddin's friend said, "but I've seen all your tricks. You can fool everybody else, but you can't fool me."
Nasruddin scratched his head thoughtfully and then he said, "Wait here! I think I know a way to fool you. I'll be right back!"
"Okay," the man agreed. "You can try if you want, but I'm going to be on my guard!"
The man stood there and waited.
And waited.
And as he was waiting, he realized ... Nasruddin wasn't coming back.
Nasruddin had fooled him after all.
~ 81. Nasruddin on the Roof ~
A man down on the ground was shouting to Nasruddin up on the roof. "Please, sir, come here!"
Nasruddin climbed down and asked the man what he wanted.
"I need money," the man explained.
"Why didn't you just say so?" said Nasruddin. "Instead, you made me climb down."
"I was embarrassed to shout it out loud," the man explained.
Nasruddin told the man to come up on the roof. Then, once they were both up on the roof, Nasruddin told the man he had nothing to give him.
"Why didn't you just say so?" the man asked.
Nasruddin just smiled.
~ 82. An Unexpected Visit from Nasruddin ~
Nasruddin decided to pay his friend an unexpected visit.
From the upstairs window, the man could see Nasruddin coming. "It's Nasruddin!" he shouted to his wife. "Tell him I'm not home."
When Nasruddin knocked at the door, the man's wife answered. "My husband has gone out," she said apologetically. "He's not here right now."
Nasruddin looked up and saw the man in the upstairs window.
"Please tell him that I called," Nasruddin said. "And you might also let him know that when he goes out, he should take his head with him instead of hanging it there in the window."
~ 83. Nasruddin Eating Eggs ~
Nasruddin was sitting in a chair outside, eating eggs for dinner. He didn't usually eat dinner outside, and eggs were not his usual dinner, but so it was: Nasruddin was sitting in a chair outside, eating eggs for dinner.
One of Nasruddin's neighbors happened to walk by, and he just couldn't keep quiet. "Hey there, Nasruddin," he said, "why are you sitting in your chair eating eggs like that?"
Nasruddin looked up and replied, "Would it be better if I sat in the eggs and ate the chair?"
The best way to answer a foolish question is with another question.
~ 84. Nasruddin and the Philosopher's Questions ~
A renowned philosopher traveled to Nasruddin's town to challenge him in a contest of wisdom. Everyone gathered to see the show, hoping that Nasruddin would uphold the honor of their town.
To begin the contest, the challenger asked if Nasruddin wanted to answer one hundred easy questions or just one hard question.
"I'll take the one hard question," Nasruddin said.
"Which came first: the chicken or the egg?"
"The chicken," replied Nasruddin confidently.
The philosopher was surprised by Nasruddin's answer. "How can you be so sure?"
"Ah," said Nasruddin, "that is your second question. I agreed to answer only one."
~ 85. Nasruddin Rewards His Son ~
Nasruddin's son received a good report from his teacher at school.
"Son, I'm proud of you," said Nasruddin. "You may make a request of me, and I will grant it."
The son was taken aback by this generous offer. "May I have a day to think about it?" he asked.
"Yes," said Nasruddin.
The boy came back the next day and said, "Father, I want a donkey."
"Well, that would be two requests now, wouldn't it? I already granted your request for a day to think things over."
Nasruddin's son was disappointed, but not surprised: he should have known better!
~ 86. Nasruddin Gets a Haircut ~
Nasruddin and a little boy walked into a barbershop together. "Do me first, and then the boy here," Nasruddin said.
The barber gave Nasruddin a haircut and as he was giving the boy a haircut, Nasruddin strolled out of the shop.
When he had finished, the barber waited for Nasruddin to come back and pay.
Finally he asked the boy, "When do you think your father will be back?"
"Oh, that's not my father," said the boy. "He just picked me up off the street out there and said, 'Let's go get us some free haircuts' ... and so we did!"
~ 87. Nasruddin and the Tall Tree ~
The village boys wanted to trick Nasruddin and steal his new shoes.
"Look at this tall tree!" they shouted. "We're too small to climb it, but maybe you can."
Nasruddin looked at the tree, smiled and said, "That would be fun. I'll try!"
So, Nasruddin took off his new shoes. Next, he tucked the shoes inside his belt. Then he began climbing.
"Wait!" shouted the boys. "Why are you taking your shoes with you?"
"This tree is so tall that it might lead all the way to heaven," Nasruddin replied, "and I'll need my shoes to walk around up there."
~ 88. Nasruddin's Playful Turban ~
It was a windy day and as Nasruddin was walking home, a big gust of wind blew the turban right off his head. Some children who were playing nearby grabbed the turban and began tossing it back and forth.
Nasruddin chased the children, hoping to get his turban back. "Hey there, children!" he said. "Give me back my turban!"
Then, when he saw how much fun the children were having, he gave up and went home.
"Where's your turban?" Nasruddin's wife asked. "Did you leave it somewhere?"
"It suddenly remembered its childhood," replied Nasruddin, "and it decided to go play."
~ 89. Young Nasruddin and the Tall Tales ~
When he was a young boy, Nasruddin liked to sit around the fires of the passing caravans and listen to travelers' tales about faraway places. He enjoyed the stories of valiant warriors in battle, tales of genies and magic, and most of all he enjoyed the anecdotes about the very strange habits of people who lived in distant lands.
"I once visited a land that was so hot all year long," one traveler claimed, "that no one in their country wore any clothes."
"Impossible!" protested Nasruddin. "Without clothes, how would you be able to tell the men from the women?"
~ 90. Naked Nasruddin ~
One morning Nasruddin arrived at school not wearing any clothes. He was completely naked! All the other schoolboys laughed at him, but the teacher was not amused. In fact, he was very angry.
"Nasruddin, explain yourself!" said the teacher sternly. "What on earth are you doing here without any clothes on?"
"Just let me explain," Nasruddin replied, smiling brightly at the teacher. "I woke up late, so I was in a big hurry and I ran just as fast as I could. I simply didn't have time to get dressed if I wanted to get here to school on time."
~ 91. Nasruddin and the Village Boys ~
Nasruddin met some boys from the village and decided to play a trick on them.
"Hey!" he shouted. "Did you know it's the mayor's birthday? There's a party with music and dancing and all the food you can eat. You better hurry and run to the mayor's house as fast as you can!"
"Thank you, Nasruddin!" shouted the boys, and they immediately dashed off towards the mayor's house.
Then Nasruddin thought to himself, "You know, it really might be the mayor's birthday after all..." and he began to run after the boys.
"Wait for me!" he shouted. "I'm coming too!"
~ 92. Nasruddin and the Grapes ~
Nasruddin was on his way home carrying a basket full of bunches of grapes when he ran into some children along the way.
"Give us some grapes, Nasruddin!" shouted the children. "Please, Nasruddin, share your grapes with us!"
Nasruddin really didn't want to share his grapes with the children, but the children insisted.
Reluctantly, he took some grapes from the basket and cut each grape in half. He then gave each child half a grape.
"Give us more!" the children complained.
"All the grapes in this basket taste the same," Nasruddin explained. "Half of a grape is all you need."
~ 93. Nasruddin and the Sugar ~
A mother brought her son to see Nasruddin. "My son eats too much sugar," she said. "Please make him stop!"
Nasruddin patted the boy on the head and said, "Come back in two weeks and we'll see what we can do."
The mother promised to return in two weeks.
At their next meeting, Nasruddin looked at the boy and said sternly, "You must stop eating sugar!"
"Why did we have to wait two weeks for you to say that?" asked the mother.
"I had to make myself stop eating sugar," replied Nasruddin, "before telling someone else to do the same."
~ 94. Nasruddin and the Hooligan ~
One of the local hooligans threw a rock at Nasruddin's donkey. Nasruddin saw what the boy had done but, instead of yelling at him, he laughed.
"You're a very good shot!" Nasruddin exclaimed. "I'm impressed. But my donkey is not a worthy target for someone of your talent. You deserve a better target!"
Nasruddin then noticed the mayor riding by on his horse.
"Like the mayor, for example," Nasruddin said, pointing.
The boy threw a rock at the horse's rump, and when the horse reared, the mayor tumbled to the ground.
"Arrest that boy!" the mayor shouted.
Nasruddin just smiled.
~ 95. Nasruddin and the Donkey-Boy ~
Nasruddin bought a donkey and was leading it home. On the way, a thief stole the donkey and left his young son in the harness.
When he got home, Nasruddin was surprised to see his donkey had turned into a boy.
"For my bad behavior, my mother cursed me to become a donkey," the boy said. "But I repented, and now I'm human again."
"Make sure you don't misbehave in future!" Nasruddin said, sending the boy home.
The next day Nasruddin saw the same donkey at the market. "You bad boy!" said Nasruddin. "Didn't I tell you to behave yourself?"
~ 96. Frightening Nasruddin ~
"Our son won't do his chores," said Nasruddin's wife. "You must frighten him to make him behave!"
Nasruddin jumped up and began to scream. He stuck out his tongue and shook his fists wildly. He then grabbed a knife.
At this, Nasruddin's wife started sobbing, and Nasruddin himself ran out of the room.
When he returned, his wife was still crying, and his son was hiding under a chair.
"Why did you run away?" she asked.
"I scared even myself," Nasruddin admitted. "Terror easily gets out of control. I meant to frighten our son, and instead I frightened us all."
~ 97. Big Pot, Little Pot ~
Nasruddin borrowed a big cooking pot from his neighbor. When he returned it, he placed a little pot inside the big pot.
"What's this?" asked his neighbor.
"Your big pot gave birth to a little baby pot," Nasruddin explained.
The neighbor laughed, and he kept the little pot.
Nasruddin borrowed the big pot again later, but he didn't return it.
When his neighbor asked for it back, Nasruddin said, "I'm sorry, but your pot died."
"What do you mean it died?" exclaimed the neighbor. "Pots can't die!"
"If pots can give birth, of course they can die," replied Nasruddin, smiling.
~ 98. Nasruddin Goes Upstairs ~
Nasruddin had invited his friends to dinner. "They're coming right behind me," he said to his wife when he got home.
"But there's no food in the house!" she exclaimed.
"What will we do?" groaned Nasruddin.
"Go upstairs! I'll do the rest."
A moment later, Nasruddin's friends knocked at the door. "Your husband invited us for dinner!" they said.
"Alas, my husband has gone out," his wife told them. "I don't know when he'll be back."
"But we saw him come in!"
"I could have gone out the back!" Nasruddin shouted from upstairs. "You didn't think of that, did you?"
~ 99. Nasruddin Thinks of Soup ~
Nasruddin was hungry, but he had nothing to eat in the house. He sat in the kitchen, dreaming of soup. A nice noodle soup with beans and lentils, some onion and spinach, seasoned with some turmeric, yogurt on the side...
Then, as Nasruddin was thinking about that soup, he heard a knock at the door. It was his neighbor's young son.
"Please, Nasruddin," said the boy, "if you have cooked a pot of soup here, may we please have some?"
The boy then held out an empty bowl.
"Incredible!" Nasruddin exclaimed. "The neighbors can smell even the thought of soup."
~ 100. Nasruddin's Clothesline ~
A neighbor asked to borrow Nasruddin's clothesline.
"I'm afraid that's not possible," said Nasruddin. He tried to sound apologetic, but he really didn't want to loan anything to anyone. "I'm using the clothesline right now."
"But I didn't see any clothes drying outside. What are you using it for?"
"I'm using it to dry flour," Nasruddin explained. "I spilled some water and the flour got wet. The flour is still drying."
"You can't use a clothesline for drying flour!" exclaimed the neighbor. "That's impossible!"
"It's completely possible," Nasruddin replied calmly, "when your purpose is to avoid loaning out your clothesline."
