You will find the texts of the stories below the audio, and the titles are linked to individual blog posts where you can learn more about sources, see notes, etc.
You'll want to click on track 101 to start the audio portion for this section:
~ 101. Abu Said's Recitations ~
Abu Said's disciples were worried by his behavior.
"When he recites from the Quran, he makes mistakes," said one disciple. "He keeps leaving out verses."
Another remarked, "Perhaps his mind is on other things."
"Or perhaps he is ill," said another.
Finally, they decided to ask Abu Said if something was the matter, and Abu Said just smiled. "Yes, I know I am skipping some verses. They are the verses about God's wrath."
The disciples still looked puzzled, so he explained. "For me, there is only God's mercy; I leave God's wrath to others. His mercy is what I recite."
~ 102. Abu Said and the Learned Cleric ~
When Abu Said came to a certain city, the city's mayor summoned a learned cleric to challenge him. So, the first time that Abu Said spoke to his followers, this learned cleric was there, ready with a question.
"By law we cannot pray in a garment soaked in much blood," he said, "but much blood is that? Is the blood from a flea enough to pollute the garment?"
"I defer to your expertise regarding the blood of fleas," Abu Said replied. "I am not here to speak of fleas, but to guide those who are on the Path to God."
~ 103. Abu Said and the Straight Path ~
One of Abu Said's disciples was quite wealthy and proud of his fine clothes. When the master and his disciples went walking, he liked to go in front, showing off his clothes.
"No!" said Abu Said. "Walk behind!" So the man walked behind.
"No! Walk on my right!" The man did so.
"No! Walk on my left!" The man did so.
"No! Ahead! Behind! Right! Left!" commanded Abu Said.
The bewildered disciple finally shouted, "Master, where should I be?"
"Put the self away and walk the straight path," replied Abu Said.
At those words, the man awoke and became enlightened.
~ 104. Abu Said and God's Secret Mysteries ~
"I want to learn God's secret mysteries!" a man said to Abu Said.
Abu Said gave him a box. "Take this home with you. I will come tomorrow and reveal what's inside."
The man, however, couldn't resist. He opened the box as soon as he got home, and a mouse ran out, escaping before the man could catch it.
"I asked about God's secret mysteries, and instead you gave me a mouse!" the man shouted angrily at Abu Said the next day.
"I gave you a mouse," Abu Said replied, "to teach you what it means to keep a secret."
~ 105. Abu Said and the Wealthy Disciple ~
A rich man became Abu Said's disciple, surrendering all his wealth. Then he became a beggar, surrendering every coin he received, but Abu Said ignored him.
One night he returned empty-handed, and the doorkeeper wouldn't admit him.
In despair, he wept. "God, I'm now a beggar. My teacher has abandoned me. There is only you, God! Don't leave me!"
God's light shone in his heart and he fainted from rapture.
When he awoke, he saw Abu Said and the other disciples rejoicing.
"You made me your idol," Abu Said explained. "You finally broke that idol; now you can worship God."
~ 106. Abu Said and the Wine-Merchant ~
Abu Said preached God's Love and the Path of the Heart, but some of his followers wanted to punish wrongdoers instead.
"We should destroy the wine-merchant's shop!" they shouted. "It's a haven for gamblers."
"The wine-merchant in his earthly vanity has no time for God," said Abu Said, "but I am surprised that you have time for the wine-merchant. Busy yourself with God's love, nothing else."
Abu Said then went to the wine-merchant and apologized for his followers. "God's blessings upon you, my neighbor," he said.
Treated with loving kindness, the wine-merchant sold his shop and joined Abu Said's disciples.
~ 107. Abu Said and the King of the Gamblers ~
One day in the market, Abu Said saw some half-naked, scruffy-looking men who were carrying an even more naked and more scruffy-looking man high on their shoulders.
Abu Said asked, "Who are you?"
"I am the King of the Gamblers!" the man replied. "My fellow gamblers made me their king because I lost everything I owned, and I did so without fear."
Abu Said smiled. "I salute you, brave soul!" he said. Then he told his disciples, "May we all become kings as the King of the Gamblers has done, giving up all we have in order to gain God."
~ 108. Abu Said and the Bucket of Ashes ~
One day as Abu Said and his disciples were walking through the narrow streets of a city, a woman poured out a bucket of cold ashes from her balcony, and the ashes fell on top of Abu Said.
His disciples were furious at the woman, but Abu Said only laughed. "Like all sinners, I'm expecting the burning coals of Hell as my eternal punishment," he said. "So if I suffer only cold ashes like this instead, thanks be to God!"
Abu Said thus showed his humility while providing a lesson for his disciples, helping them to set aside their anger.
~ 109. Abu Said and the Bags of Filth ~
One night Abu Said and his disciples walked by the waste-dump where cleaners hauled bags of filth from the latrines.
"The stench is suffocating!" the disciples said. "We should run away from here as fast as we can."
"No!" said Abu Said. "Stand here for a moment and listen."
"Listen to what?"
"Listen to what the bags are saying: We were once delicious food! We were ripe fruits and rich stews! But look at us now: you've ruined us! We should be escaping from you, but instead you want to escape from us. Just listen; that's what the bags say."
~ 110. Abu Said's Horse ~
Bandits attacked Abu Said and his disciples on the road, and they stole Abu Said's horse.
When the bandit chief found out who the horse belonged to, he brought the horse back and apologized. "You are a good man, Abu Said," he said. "My men acted in ignorance; they did not know you."
But Abu Said told him to keep his horse. "It is good to let go, and when we let go of something, we do not seize it again."
These words enlightened the bandit chief, and he quit his life of crime and became a man of peace.
~ 111. Sultan Mahmud's Golden Bracelet ~
One night Sultan Mahmud rode out alone and saw a man sifting earth, looking for gold. Around him were heaps of earth that he had already sifted.
Mahmud approached quietly, threw a golden bracelet among the heaps of earth, and then rode away.
The next night, Mahmud came back, and the man was still there, sifting.
"Surely the gold you found last night would suffice you for many years!" Mahmud said. "Why are you still sifting?"
"I found a dazzling golden bracelet!" the man replied. "Finding such treasure makes me even more eager to keep sifting. Now I'll never stop!"
~ 112. Sultan Mahmud and his Servants ~
The sultan had ten servants, and he wanted to select one as his personal attendant, so he gave each servant a wine-glass.
"Throw it to the ground!" he said.
All ten did as he commanded.
Next, the sultan asked each one. "Why did you break the wine-glass?"
"Because Your Highness commanded me," they said, one after another after another.
But Ayaz realized that the sultan knew already what he had commanded, and he didn't want to tell the sultan what he already knew. "I await Your Highness's next command," Ayaz replied.
So the sultan chose Ayaz as his personal attendant.
~ 113. Sultan Mahmud Watches Ayaz ~
Ayaz was the sultan's most trusted servant, which made the other servants jealous. Ayaz had been a slave, but now he was the royal treasurer.
"He hides himself in the treasury every day!" they gossiped. "Surely he is stealing."
The sultan decided to watch in secret. He saw Ayaz go into the treasury and open the vault. Ayaz took something out; what was it? The tattered old clothes from his slave days! Ayaz kissed the clothes and then said aloud, "You were a slave until the sultan favored you; never forget."
So the sultan trusted Ayaz even more than before.
~ 114. Sultan Mahmud and the Pearl ~
Sultan Mahmud had a priceless pearl.
"Crush it!" he commanded his vizier.
"I cannot destroy such a treasure!" the vizier protested.
The sultan smiled.
He tried another courtier, who refused, and another, and another. They all refused.
Then the sultan told Ayaz, "Crush it!"
Without hesitation, Ayaz crushed the pearl.
The courtiers shouted in dismay.
"The sultan's command is more precious than any pearl!" declared Ayaz.
"Death to all my court," shouted the sultan, "except Ayaz."
Ayaz then interceded for them. "You are perfection," he said. "Grant them perfect mercy."
Thus Ayaz obeyed the sultan and saved the sultan's court.
~ 115. Ahmad Yasawi and the Seeker ~
A seeker came to see the Sufi master Ahmad Yasawi.
"I want to learn without books and without teachers," the man said. "That way nothing will stand between me and the Truth; I want to be enlightened by the Truth directly."
Ahmad Yasawi smiled at the foolish man. "But do you eat without a mouth? Are you nourished without a stomach? How would you eat if you did not have a mouth? What would be the point of eating without a stomach? You have all those physical organs for a reason, just as books and teachers exist for a reason."
~ 116. Abu Ali and the Old Woman ~
There was an old woman who wanted to make an offering to Abu Ali Daqqaq. "Please accept this piece of gold from me," she said.
But Abu Ali replied, "I can accept gifts from God only; I cannot accept this piece of gold from you."
At that, the old woman laughed. "You must be squint-eyed or something! Is that why you are seeing double? God is one with each of us: we are in God and with God. There is nothing else to see. All gifts come from God."
Then Abu Ali understood and he accepted the piece of gold.
~ 117. Jafar Seeks a Teacher ~
Jafar of Portugal journeyed to Mecca, seeking a teacher.
There, a divine voice told him, "The greatest teacher is ibn-Arabi of Seville."
Jafar returned to Europe, but this ibn-Arabi of Seville was just a schoolboy, not a teacher at all!
"Where can I find the greatest teacher?" Jafar asked him.
"I can't tell," said the boy. "Only time can tell."
Thirty years passed, and Jafar was still searching.
He came to Aleppo. "Who is the greatest teacher?" he asked.
"Ibn-Arabi!" the people all said.
When ibn-Arabi saw Jafar, he smiled. "We meet in the right time and place at last!"
~ 118. Little Rumi and the Angels ~
When Rumi was little, he went with the other boys in the neighborhood up to play on the roof.
"Let's jump from one roof to another!" a boy said.
"That's the kind of game that cats and dogs play," said Rumi. "Let's try something better: we can go up to heaven where the angels are!"
As Rumi spoke these words, he vanished.
His playmates shouted and yelled, frightened about what had happened.
Then Rumi reappeared. "Angels clad all in green took me up to heaven, but when I saw it frightened you, I told them to bring me back here."
~ 119. Sanai, The Court Poet ~
Sanai was court poet to King Bahram of Persia.
One day Sanai overheard an old Sufi scoffing at Bahram. "He's the world's greatest fool! His wealth is beyond counting, yet he wages war to gain more." Then the old man added, "And his poet is a fool too!"
"What do you mean?" asked Sanai.
"He squanders his God-given talent on an earthly king when he could sing the praises of heaven's own king."
"I am that poet," shouted Sanai, "and I have indeed been a fool, but I renounce my old ways and will now serve the king of kings."
~ 120. Chishti the Musician ~
The great Sufi teacher, Chishti, was a musician.
Instead of saying the ritual prayers, he made music. Music was his prayer.
Another great Sufi, Jilani, wanted to visit Chishti. Out of respect, Chishti hid the instruments; Jilani was more orthodox, and Chishti did not want to offend his honored guest.
But when Jilani arrived and they sat together in silence, the instruments began to play on their own, filling the room with music.
Jilani smiled. "You do not need to hide your instruments," he said to Chishti. "You cannot hide your instruments any more than you can hide your soul."
~ 121. Nimatullah and the Stolen Lamb ~
Emperor Tamerlane hated the Sufi Nimatullah and plotted against him. Pretending to honor Nimatullah with a feast, he served food that was haram (forbidden).
After Nimatullah ate, Tamerlane shouted, "You ate stolen lamb! It's haram! You will die for your sin!"
"On Tamerlane's orders, I stole the lamb from an old woman," the cook explained.
Then the old woman shouted, "That man robbed me! I was on my way here to give the lamb to Nimatullah as a gift."
Thus, the lamb was not haram: it was meant for Nimatullah all along! Tamerlane was but an instrument in God's plan.
~ 122. Jami and the Would-Be Disciple ~
Jami was a poet and Sufi teacher who lived in fifteenth-century Khorasan; he was born in the city of Jam (in what is now Ghor province in Afghanistan), hence his name: Jami, the man from Jam.
A young man came to Jami, hoping to become his disciple.
Jami had only one question that he asked this prospective pupil: "Have you ever loved anyone with all your heart and all your soul?"
"No," said the would-be disciple.
"Then you must go and love someone," said Jami, "and then you will be ready."
In every heart, there is a spark of fire.
~ 123. Jami and the Physician's Son ~
There was a physician who had become wealthy and prosperous thanks to her medical skills. She decided to apprentice her son to study with Jami, the great Sufi teacher and poet.
Jami then assigned the physician's son to clean latrines.
The mother was upset when the boy told her about this, and she sent twelve of her household servants to go clean the latrines instead.
Jami sent the servants back to her, with this message: "If your son had a disease of the gallbladder, would you give the medicine to your servants, or would you give the medicine to him?"
~ 124. Nasruddin and the Quick Learner ~
There was a would-be disciple who came to study with Nasruddin.
"I'm extremely intelligent," he said to Nasruddin, "and a quick learner! I'm sure I will be one of your best pupils. How long do you think it will take me to become an accomplished Sufi master?"
"Ten years," said Nasruddin.
The would-be disciple looked dejected. "What if I study twice as hard?"
"Twenty years," said Nasruddin.
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the disciple. "Didn't you hear me? I told you I would be one of your best pupils. I really am a quick learner!"
"That's exactly the problem," said Nasruddin, smiling.
~ 125. Nasruddin and the Scholar ~
A famous scholar asked Nasruddin to help him move beyond mere book learning. "Please accept me as your student!" he said.
Nasruddin agreed. "For the first week," he said, "you must go to the marketplace each morning and evening, kiss the ground and then jump up, pulling on your ears and braying like a donkey."
The scholar agreed. Reluctantly.
He came back a week later. "I did what you told me," he said, "and everyone laughed. I felt like a fool, a complete and utter fool!"
"Excellent!" said Nasruddin. "That's a remarkable insight to have gained in just one week."
~ 126. Nasruddin and the Would-Be Disciple ~
A would-be disciple came to see Nasruddin.
It was a cold day, and the disciple asked Nasruddin why he was blowing on his hands.
"I blow on my hands to warm them," Nasruddin explained.
Later, Nasruddin filled two bowls of soup, taking one for himself and offering the other to his would-be disciple.
Then the disciple asked why Nasruddin was blowing on the soup.
"I blow on the soup to cool it," Nasruddin explained.
"I can't trust a teacher who uses the same technique for opposite purposes!" the disciple exclaimed, and he left.
Smiling, Nasruddin ate both bowls of soup.
~ 127. A Conversation without Words ~
Nasruddin and his friend met a dervish in the road.
The dervish said nothing; he silently pointed at the sky.
Nasruddin's friend thought, "This madman could be dangerous!"
Nasruddin pulled a coil of rope from his bag, showing it to the dervish, who then continued on his way.
Nasruddin's friend thought, "I'm glad Nasruddin told the madman we'd tie him up if he became violent!"
But without words the dervish had said, "One truth covers all," and without words Nasruddin had replied, "To seek the truth by ordinary means is like trying to use a rope to climb the sky."
~ 128. God Created the Camel ~
Nasruddin was proclaiming the glory of God's creation. "Everything is created in the best of all possible ways, guided by the infinite wisdom of our Creator."
The people stared at him expectantly, eager to hear more.
"Consider the camel!" Nasruddin continued. "Just imagine if God had created camels with wings. The sky would be dark with flying camels, and they would land on the rooftops and break all the roof-tiles, and they would also poop in the chimneys." He then paused for dramatic effect. "So, let us praise the Creator for his great wisdom in not creating camels with wings!"
~ 129. Nasruddin's Sermon ~
Nasruddin was preaching in a village for the first time.
"Do you know what I'm going to say?" Nasruddin asked.
"No!" the people shouted.
"How can I preach to people so ignorant?" he said and left.
They begged him to come back.
"Do you know what I'm going to say?" he asked again.
"Yes!" they shouted.
"Good! We can all leave."
But they asked him to try one more time.
"Do you know what I'm going to say?" he asked.
"Yes!" shouted some. "No!" shouted others.
"So let those who know teach those who don't!"
That was Nasruddin's last sermon.
~ 130. Nasruddin and the Pilgrims ~
Everyone in Nasruddin's village was preparing to go on a religious pilgrimage.
Everyone except Nasruddin.
All the other villagers loaded up their carts and wagons, their donkeys and camels, and then they set out down the road to begin their long journey.
Later that same day, Nasruddin came galloping up behind them on his donkey.
"What's wrong, Nasruddin?" they asked him in alarm.
"Where's my donkey?" he shouted. "I'm trying to find my donkey!"
They laughed. "You're riding him," they said. "You don't need to go looking for him."
"Really?" said Nasruddin. "So why do you go looking for God?"
~ 131. Nasruddin and the Shrine ~
Nasruddin was traveling to a distant country.
Along the way, his donkey died of exhaustion, and Nasruddin buried him by the roadside.
As Nasruddin knelt there, weeping, a man saw him and began to weep also.
"Why are you weeping?" Nasruddin asked.
"Like you, I weep tears for the holy saint who's buried here," the man replied.
"There's no saint here," Nasruddin explained. "Just my donkey."
But the man continued to weep.
Then he went and told others.
In time, pilgrims came from all over to visit the shrine of the saint.
Nasruddin, meanwhile, departed, continuing his journey on foot.
~ 132. Nasruddin Crossing the Lake ~
Nasruddin was crossing a lake on a ferry loaded with passengers.
Unexpectedly, a storm arose, and the ferry tossed violently in the rising waves. The passengers started screaming, and many of them prayed loudly. "Save us, God!" they shouted.
Nasruddin, meanwhile, stayed completely calm.
The storm eventually died down, and the ferry reached the shore safely.
"How could you stay so calm?" someone asked Nasruddin. "There was nothing but some planks of wood between us and a watery death."
"There is often less than that between you and death in your everyday life," replied Nasruddin. "You just don't see it."
~ 133. Nasruddin in a New Town ~
Nasruddin was visiting a new town for the first time. He didn't know anybody in the town, and he wasn't sure what to do or where to go; it made him feel uneasy.
He decided to enter the first door he found open: a carpenter's shop.
"Hello!" said the carpenter.
"Hello!" replied Nasruddin. "Did you see me just now walk into your shop?"
"Yes," replied the carpenter, not sure what Nasruddin was getting at.
"And have you ever seen me before?" asked Nasruddin.
"No, I've never seen you before," admitted the carpenter.
"Then how did you know it was me?"
~ 134. Nasruddin Leaves the Tavern ~
It was late at night, and Nasruddin had spent the entire evening in a tavern, drinking and talking, talking and drinking. And drinking.
By the time he decided to head home, he was quite intoxicated.
As Nasruddin staggered through the streets, he ran into the night watchman.
"Who's that there?" asked the watchman. "What are you doing out at this late hour? Where did you come from? Where are you going?"
"Those are all very important questions," said Nasruddin, "very important indeed." Then he smiled. "And if I knew the answers to your questions, I suppose I'd be home already."
~ 135. Nasruddin by Night ~
"You wouldn't know it just by looking at me," said Nasruddin, "but I have truly miraculous powers."
Nasruddin's friend laughed. "So tell me," he said, "what is your most miraculous power?"
"I can see in the dark! In the darkest darkness, I can see as clearly as if it were broad daylight. I need no light of any kind."
"Surely you’re joking!" his friend objected. "I’ve seen you carrying a lantern in the dark, just like everybody else does."
"Of course!" said Nasruddin, smiling. "But I carry a lantern in the dark only so that others won't run into me."
~ 136. Nasruddin and the Frogs ~
Nasruddin's friend saw him throwing money into a pool.
"Nasruddin! What on earth are you doing?" he asked.
Nasruddin smiled. "I'm paying the frogs."
"I don't understand," said his friend.
"Well, I was riding along and my donkey slipped. We were sliding right into the pool! But then the frogs started croaking, and they croaked so loudly that it scared the donkey, so he leaped back up onto solid ground, and we didn't end up in the water. Don't you think the frogs deserve a reward for saving us like that?"
Nasruddin smiled, and kept throwing money into the pool.
~ 137. Nasruddin and the Man's Bag ~
Nasruddin saw a man weeping as he walked along the road.
"What's wrong?" Nasruddin asked.
"I've lost everything. All I have left is here," said the man, holding up a tattered bag.
Nasruddin grabbed the bag and ran.
The man shrieked. "Stop! STOP!"
Nasruddin ran until he was out of sight and then put the bag in the road for the man to find.
The man came trudging along, weeping even more loudly than before.
Then he saw his bag. "Oh, my bag!" he shouted. "I thought you were lost forever!"
From his hiding place in the bushes, Nasruddin smiled.
~ 138. Nasruddin and the Drowning Man ~
Nasruddin heard people shouting by the lake.
He ran to investigate: a man had fallen in. The tax collector! He couldn't swim and was shouting for help.
"Give me your hand!" the people yelled, reaching out their hands for the man to grab. "We'll help you!" But he just kept flailing in the water.
Nasruddin shouted, "Take my hand!"
Immediately, he seized Nasruddin's hand and Nasruddin pulled him to safety.
"You need to understand people," Nasruddin explained. "He's a tax collector, so he's not going to give you anything. But if you tell him to take something, he'll take it!"
~ 139. Nasruddin and the Music Teacher ~
Nasruddin had decided that he would like to learn to play the lute.
Nasruddin happened to have a lute already, but he did not have much money. He knew that would make it difficult to find a music teacher, but he was determined to succeed.
"Can you teach me to play the lute?" Nasruddin asked.
"I can," said the teacher.
"And how much do you charge?" asked Nasruddin.
"Three silver coins for the first month, and then one silver coin monthly for the second month and thereafter."
"Excellent!" said Nasruddin. "I'll skip the first month and start with the second."
~ 140. Nasruddin at the Baths ~
Nasruddin went to the bathhouse.
When the attendant saw Nasruddin's shabby clothes, he treated him poorly, giving him a threadbare towel and only a tiny piece of soap. Nevertheless, after Nasruddin finished his bath, he tipped the attendant very generously.
On his next visit, the attendant greeted Nasruddin with great respect, remembering the generous tip. He gave Nasruddin several luxurious towels and a new bar of soap. But when he left, Nasruddin gave the attendant no tip at all.
"That's for last time," Nasruddin explained, "and the tip I gave you last time was for this time. Now we're even!"
~ 141. A Sign for Nasruddin's Restaurant ~
Nasruddin made a sign for his new restaurant.
RESTAURANT
"You need to say more!" suggested a friend. So Nasruddin changed the sign:
RESTAURANT - FINEST FOOD
Another friend insisted, "It needs action!"
RESTAURANT - FINEST FOOD SERVED HERE
"Why here?" a third friend objected. "The location is obvious."
RESTAURANT - FINEST FOOD SERVED
"What else would you do with food?" said a fourth friend.
RESTAURANT - FINEST FOOD
"That's debatable," complained a fifth friend. "Who's to say what food is finest?"
RESTAURANT - FOOD
"All restaurants have food!" scoffed a sixth friend.
So Nasruddin ended up where he began:
RESTAURANT was all the sign said.
~ 142. Nasruddin's Duck Soup ~
Nasruddin's relative showed up for dinner, bringing a duck.
Nasruddin made duck soup.
"Delicious!" said Nasruddin's relative.
The next day Nasruddin added water to the leftover soup.
A knock at the door: it was a friend of his relative, and he stayed for dinner. "Good soup!" the man said.
The next day Nasruddin added water to the leftover soup again.
Another knock: a friend of the friend of his relative. When Nasruddin served the soup, the man frowned. "It's not very good."
"What do you expect?" Nasruddin shouted. "It's the soup of the soup of the soup of the duck!"
~ 143. Nasruddin and the Puddle ~
One day Nasruddin almost fell into a deep puddle; a friend grabbed his arm just in time.
Later, whenever this friend ran into Nasruddin, he would remind Nasruddin about it.
"Do you remember how I rescued you?"
"You had a close call with that puddle!"
"How lucky that I was there when you almost fell in the puddle!"
Finally Nasruddin couldn't take it anymore; he jumped into the deepest puddle he could find.
"See! I'm just as wet now as I would have been if I had never even met you!" Nasruddin shouted. "Can you leave me alone now, please?"
~ 144. Nasruddin on the Way to the Cemetery ~
"What is it like to be dead?" Nasruddin asked his wife.
"How should I know?" she replied. "The dead are cold; that's all I know."
Chopping wood the next day, Nasruddin suddenly felt very cold. "I must be dead," he thought. Then he lay down, because that's what the dead do.
People found him there. "This poor man is dead!" they said, and carried him off to the cemetery.
As they argued at a crossroads about which way to go, Nasruddin spoke up. "Perhaps I can help," he said. "If you don't know the way, I can give you directions."
~ 145. A Beggar at the Door ~
A beggar came to a house. "A crust of bread, please, sir!" he said.
The homeowner opened the door and shouted, "What do you think this is: a bakery?"
"A bit of meat?"
"This isn't a butcher's shop, you fool!"
"A sip of water to quench my thirst?"
"Water? Does this look like a river to you?"
The beggar said nothing more, but walked in through the door, pulled up his cloak, and squatted down.
"Hey!" shouted the homeowner. "What do you think you're doing?"
"Since this house serves no useful purpose," said the beggar, "that makes it an outhouse."
~ 146. The Wicked Man's Thornbush ~
A wicked man planted a thornbush in the road beside his house.
The people begged him to destroy the thornbush. "It tears our clothes!" they cried. "It pricks our hands and feet; we're bleeding."
The man didn't care. He did nothing.
"Uproot that thornbush!" ordered the mayor.
"Maybe tomorrow..." said the man. He did nothing.
Then the governor came. "Uproot it now!"
"Maybe later..." said the man. He did nothing.
Then the sultan came. The roots had grown deep; the thornbush couldn't be uprooted.
So the sultan set the thornbush on fire, and the wicked man's house burned down too.
~ 147. The Peasant and the General ~
A peasant was plowing, and a general rode by.
The general's horse had a stone in his hoof and was lame. "I need your horse!" yelled the general. "I order you to give me your horse!"
"Why should I obey you?" the peasant shouted back.
"Because I'm a general in the army!"
"I know what an army is!" said the peasant. "I was in the army. I got all my orders from the sergeant. You're not a sergeant!"
"I'm a general!" shouted the general.
"I don't know what a general is. Go get a sergeant, and I'll listen to him!"
~ 148. The Farmer and the Thief ~
A farmer caught a man stealing fruit from the trees in his orchard. "I'm going to thrash you!" the farmer shouted.
You can't do that! retorted the thief. "I am only God's servant eating of God's fruits. This is all God's doing."
But the farmer grabbed a stick and began beating the thief. "With God's stick God's servant is thrashing another servant of God. The stick is God's, and so is the back (thwack!) and the sides (thwack!) and the shoulders (thwack!)."
"You're right!" the thief shouted. "I repent. I acted of my own free will! It wasn't God's doing."
~ 149. The Schoolboys and their Teacher ~
Some schoolboys were angry at their schoolteacher, so they decided to trick him.
"Teacher," the schoolboys said to him, "you look so pale. Are you perhaps ill?"
"No, I feel fine!" said the teacher angrily. "Now, attend to your lessons."
They continued day after day. All the schoolboys joined in.
"Are you sure you are well?"
"You look thin. Have you lost weight?"
"Should we fetch the doctor, sir?"
Finally, the teacher took to his bed. "I feel so sick!" he said. "I ache all over! I have sweats! Chills!"
School was canceled.
And it was all the schoolboys' doing.
~ 150. The Tanner who Fainted ~
A tanner who worked with stinking dung and urine wandered by accident one day into the perfumers' bazaar. The smell of the perfume overwhelmed him, and he fell unconscious on the spot.
People tried to revive him, sprinkling him with rose-water. They did not understand that the rose-water was causing his sickness, not curing it.
The tanner's own brother heard what had happened and came running with some dog-dung. "We must do what wise doctors advise: give the patient what he's used to."
It worked: the tanner revived as soon as he smelled the dung.
"Thank you, brother," he said.
