You can also find storytelling ideas here: Teaching Guide, see #158-169.
~ 1. Nasruddin Gallops Through the Market ~
The town square was crowded for market day.
Then, all of a sudden, Nasruddin came galloping through the square on his donkey. It looked like he was about to fall off, barely holding onto the reins with one hand while struggling to keep his turban on with the other.
Nobody had ever seen Nasruddin or his donkey move this fast!
"Hey there, Nasruddin!" yelled one of his friends as Nasruddin rode by. "Just where are you going in such a hurry?"
Nasruddin shouted a reply as the donkey galloped past. "I honestly don't know! You need to ask the donkey!"
~ 2. Nasruddin Shares the Donkey's Load ~
Nasruddin had gone into the forest to chop wood.
At day's end, he bundled up the wood but, instead of putting the bundle on the donkey, he put the bundle on his own head. He then clambered up on the donkey and rode into town.
"Nasruddin!" shouted one of his friends. "Why are you carrying that bundle of wood there on your head? Doesn't it hurt?"
"It does hurt," Nasruddin admitted, "but I wanted to help share the load."
"I still don't understand," said Nasruddin's friend, looking puzzled.
"The donkey is carrying me," explained Nasruddin, "but I'm carrying the wood."
~ 3. Nasruddin's Donkey Is Missing ~
Nasruddin's donkey was lost, but Nasruddin appeared to be happy, not sad. Instead of looking for his donkey, he sat drinking coffee in the coffeehouse.
Everyone was puzzled about this, knowing how much Nasruddin loved his donkey, and his donkey had now been missing for several days.
"I don't understand why you look so happy," someone finally said to him. "How can you smile like that when your donkey is lost?"
"I'm smiling because I'm not on the donkey," explained Nasruddin, taking another sip of his coffee. "Just imagine: if I were on the donkey, I would be lost too!"
~ 4. Why Nasruddin Rides Backwards ~
Nasruddin was riding his donkey to the school while his pupils walked behind him. Nasruddin sat backwards, facing the children.
"You look funny riding backwards!" they said.
"If I faced forward, I'd have my back to you," Nasruddin explained, "which wouldn't be nice. If I faced forward and you walked in front, your backs would be towards me, which also wouldn't be nice. If you walked in front facing backwards to see me, you wouldn't see where you're going and you'd probably fall down. So, me riding backwards facing you, just like this," he concluded, "is really the best solution!"
~ 5. Nasruddin, His Son, and the Donkey ~
Nasruddin was going to town with his son. Nasruddin walked while his son rode their donkey.
Someone saw them and scoffed. "Lazy boy! Why must your father walk?"
So the son got off, and Nasruddin got on.
Farther down the road, someone else saw them and said, "Cruel father, making your son walk!"
So they both rode the donkey.
"Poor donkey, carrying two riders!" said the next person they met.
So then they both got off.
"Idiots!" laughed the next person. "At least one of you should ride the donkey!"
"Take note, my son," Nasruddin said. "There's no pleasing everyone."
~ 6. Borrowing Nasruddin's Donkey ~
A neighbor asked to borrow Nasruddin's donkey.
Nasruddin did not want to loan him the donkey, but he also did not want to appear to be ungenerous. So, he made up an excuse.
"I'm sorry, but I must say no," said Nasruddin. "The donkey is not here right now; I loaned him to my brother-in-law, and he still hasn't returned the donkey."
Then, at that very moment, the donkey let out a loud bray from inside the stable.
Before his neighbor could say anything, Nasruddin gave him a hard look. "Who are you going to believe: me, or the donkey?"
~ 7. Nasruddin's Donkey Crosses the Stream ~
Nasruddin was returning home from the market, and his donkey was carrying bags of salt.
On the way, they had to cross a stream. The donkey slipped, and the salt dissolved in the water. When the donkey stood back up, he found his load was lighter, and he trotted happily home.
The next time they came from the market, the donkey was carrying bags of wool. He decided to stumble on purpose but, instead of dissolving, the wool absorbed the water and weighed even more than before.
"You can't expect to get lucky every time!" Nasruddin said to the donkey.
~ 8. Nasruddin's Saintly Donkey ~
Nasruddin sat in the coffeehouse, praising his remarkable donkey.
"Your donkey is indeed remarkable," said one of Nasruddin's friends. "I've always thought your donkey had a very saintly disposition. He is much more saintly than you are."
This took Nasruddin by surprise. "What do you mean my donkey is 'more saintly' than I am?"
"I mean that if we gave your donkey a choice between a bucket of water and a bucket of wine, he would drink the water, not the wine."
"There's nothing saintly about that!" exclaimed Nasruddin. "That just shows the donkey is less intelligent than I am."
~ 9. Nasruddin's Flying Donkey ~
Nasruddin decided to teach his donkey how to fly.
"Look at the bird! Just do that!" Nasruddin would say. "It's going to be harder because you don't have wings, but I know you can do it."
Finally, the day had arrived. Nasruddin took his donkey up to a high cliff. "Fly, donkey, fly!" he said as he pushed his donkey off the cliff.
The donkey sailed through the air, but only briefly. He hit the ground and died.
Nasruddin blamed himself. "I got so excited about teaching him how to fly that I forgot to teach him how to land."
~ 10. Nasruddin Counts the Donkeys ~
Nasruddin was taking the village's donkeys, laden with grain, to the mill. There was Nasruddin's donkey, plus nine more.
Halfway there, Nasruddin counted. Only nine!
Worried, he got down and went looking for the lost donkey.
When he came back, he counted again: ten donkeys.
"Praise God!" he said. "The missing donkey returned."
Nasruddin got back on his donkey and continued the journey.
Later, he counted again. Only nine!
He dismounted, went looking, came back, and counted. Ten donkeys!
"Well, I better walk. When I'm riding, that wayward donkey escapes."
Nasruddin was just forgetting to count the donkey underneath him!
~ 11. Nasruddin Reports a Stolen Donkey ~
A thief had stolen Nasruddin's donkey, so Nasruddin went to the police station to report the crime, hoping that the police would find the donkey-thief and get his donkey back.
"I want to report a theft!" Nasruddin shouted. "Someone has stolen my donkey. I need your help!"
The police officer took out a piece of paper, ready to write down Nasruddin's account of the events.
"Tell me what happened," he said.
"How can I possibly do that?" Nasruddin exclaimed. "I wasn't there when it happened! If I'd been there, I would have stopped the thief before he took my donkey."
~ 12. The Donkey and the Police-Chief ~
Nasruddin's donkey was missing. "Have you seen my donkey?" he asked everyone, but no one had seen the donkey.
Nasruddin was about to give up, when one of the village children said, "I know what happened to your donkey. My uncle says the new police chief is a real donkey. So he must be your donkey!"
"That's impossible, boy," Nasruddin replied. "My donkey is smart enough as donkeys go, but he's not capable of taking bribes, and he wouldn't know how to frame people for crimes they didn't commit. And that means he's not qualified to be chief of police!"
~ 13. Nasruddin's Bribe ~
Nasruddin needed the judge's signature on some documents, which meant a bribe, and Nasruddin didn't like bribes.
So, Nasruddin got a pot, filled it with mud, and put honey on top to make it look like a pot full of honey. Nasruddin gave this to the judge, and the judge gave him the signed documents.
The next day, the judge's servant delivered a message. "The documents were in error! Return them to the judge."
"The documents are fine," Nasruddin replied. "If the judge has a problem of his own, he should take that up with his conscience, not with me."
~ 14. The Judge's Brand-New Shoes ~
One night Nasruddin found the judge lying drunk in a ditch. Chuckling, he took the judge's brand-new shoes. They were just the right size!
The next day the judge complained that robbers had ambushed him. "They stole my brand-new shoes!" he yelled.
Nasruddin then strolled into court wearing the judge's shoes.
"Where did you get those?" the judge demanded.
"I met a drunken man last night, and he insisted I take them," Nasruddin replied with a smile. "Do you know who he is? I'll gladly return them. He was, I'm afraid, very drunk."
The judge glared at Nasruddin in reply.
~ 15. Nasruddin and the Slap ~
A man slapped Nasruddin on the face, so Nasruddin took the man to court, accusing him of assault.
The judge ordered that the man must give Nasruddin a gold coin by way of damages.
"I will go home, get the coin, and be back within an hour," the man promised.
Nasruddin waited for an hour, and then another hour.
When three hours had passed and the man still had not returned, Nasruddin got up and slapped the judge.
"I'm going home, Your Honor," he explained, "so when that man finally shows up, feel free to take the coin as compensation."
~ 16. Nasruddin and the Goat ~
Nasruddin and his neighbor were quarreling.
"You stink worse than a goat!" his neighbor said, so Nasruddin took him to court for slander.
The judge said, "Bring in a goat for comparison."
They brought in a goat, and when the judge leaned down to sniff the goat, he fainted. That's how bad the goat smelled.
They revived the judge with smelling salts, and then the judge said, "Now bring in Nasruddin."
They brought in Nasruddin, and both the judge and the goat fainted. That's how bad Nasruddin smelled.
They had to throw both Nasruddin and the goat out of court.
~ 17. Nasruddin and the Sacks of Wheat ~
Nasruddin was caught taking sacks of wheat from his neighbor's barn. Nasruddin had done this before, and this time the neighbor took him to court.
"What do you have to say for yourself?" asked the judge.
"I'm just a fool," Nasruddin admitted. "I get confused about whose barn is whose, which wheat is mine or theirs. I'm not sure how I ended up with my neighbor's wheat in my wagon."
"If you're so easily confused," said the judge, "why don't you sometimes put your wheat in other people's wagons?"
"I may be a fool," Nasruddin replied, "but I'm not stupid!"
~ 18. Nasruddin Visits the Prisoners ~
As an act of charity, Nasruddin went to the prison to talk with all the prisoners and console them.
When they spoke, each inmate told Nasruddin that they were imprisoned unjustly. "I'm innocent," they told him, one after another.
One inmate, however, did not protest. "I'm guilty of my crimes," he said, "and that's why I'm here in prison."
As soon as Nasruddin heard that, he went to see the warden.
"You have to free this prisoner immediately!" Nasruddin told the warden. "Otherwise, he's going to be a terrible influence on all the innocent men you have locked up here."
~ 19. The Beggar and the Food Vendor ~
A beggar eating a crust of stale bread stood next to a shish-kebab vendor, inhaling deeply. The smell made even his stale bread taste good.
"You must pay for the smell!" shouted the vendor.
When the poor man couldn't pay, the vendor took him to court.
Nasruddin was the judge.
He listened to them both, and then he took some coins from his pocket, cupped his hands, and shook the coins.
"Do you hear that sound?" he asked the vendor.
"Yes," said the vendor, perplexed.
"The sound of the coins is payment for the smell of the meat. Case dismissed!"
~ 20. Biting Your Own Ear ~
A wife dragged her husband into Nasruddin's courtroom.
"He bit my ear!" she shouted.
"You bit your own ear!" the husband shouted back at her.
"Impossible!" the wife replied. "Nobody can bite their own ear."
Nasruddin called for a recess and went into his chambers. He tried to bite his own ear, but only succeeded in falling down and bruising his forehead.
Nasruddin returned to the courtroom. "Check the wife: does she have bruises on her forehead?"
There were no bruises.
"I therefore conclude the wife did not bite her own ear," said Nasruddin. "The husband is guilty as charged."
~ 21. Nasruddin and the Case of the Cow ~
Nasruddin's neighbor came running up, shouting loudly. "There's been a terrible accident!" he said to Nasruddin.
"What happened?" asked Nasruddin, alarmed.
"Your ox got loose and gored my cow to death," the neighbor explained. "Someone will have to pay!"
"What do you mean?" replied Nasruddin. "Surely you can't hold me responsible for what my ox did to your cow."
"Oh," said the neighbor, "I apologize. I must have gotten my words mixed up! I meant to say that my ox got loose and gored your cow to death."
"Oh!" said Nasruddin. "That changes everything. Someone really will have to pay!"
~ 22. Payment in Kind ~
Nasruddin's neighbor stormed into Nasruddin's house.
"I demand justice!" the neighbor shouted. "Just now your dog viciously attacked my wife and bit her on the foot. You're going to have to pay!"
"Don't worry," Nasruddin replied calmly. "We can easily arrange payment in kind."
"What do you mean?" asked the neighbor.
"For example, I could send my wife to your house, and your dog could bite her on the foot," Nasruddin explained. "There is also this option: your wife could come over here and she could bite my dog on the foot. I'll let you decide what would be best."
~ 23. Nasruddin Takes Sides ~
Two men who were quarreling came to Nasruddin.
"Please help us, Nasruddin!" said the first man.
"We need you to judge between us!" said the second man.
The first man presented his case, and when he was done, Nasruddin exclaimed, "You're right!"
The second man shouted, "You haven't even listened to my side of the story!"
That man then presented his case and when he was done, Nasruddin exclaimed again, "You're right!"
Nasruddin's wife, who had listened to the whole thing, remarked, "They can't both be right."
Nasruddin looked at his wife and exclaimed with a smile, "You're right too!"
~ 24. Good Goose, Bad Goose ~
Nasruddin had a bad-tempered goose that was always hissing and trying to bite him, so he took the goose to the market to sell.
As he handed the goose to the goose-broker, Nasruddin warned him, "This is a badly-behaved goose. Be careful!"
"Don't worry," the broker said. "I'll get you a good price."
The broker then began yelling, "Buy the best goose here! A fine goose! Good-natured goose! Buy the best goose here!"
Nasruddin snatched his goose back from the broker.
"I'm not selling this goose at any price!" he exclaimed. "I never knew what a good goose I had."
~ 25. Nasruddin and the Ocean ~
Nasruddin once took a long journey all the way to the ocean's edge. This was the first time he had seen the ocean. He was astounded by the water stretching to the horizon, and the rise and fall of the waves mesmerized him.
He then bent down to take a drink and immediately spat it out. "Disgusting!" he yelled. "Luckily, I've got some real water here with me."
He reached for his water-flask and poured some fresh water into the ocean.
"It's true that you look very impressive," he said, "but you need to learn what real water tastes like!"
~ 26. Nasruddin and the Milkman ~
Nasruddin had gone to the milkman to get a gallon of cow's milk. He waited in line and then presented the milkman with the container he had brought with him.
"A gallon of cow's milk," he said to the milkman.
"I'm sorry, Nasruddin," the milkman replied, "but the container you've brought is much too small. There's no way a gallon of cow's milk will fit into that container."
Nasruddin stood there thinking.
"I know!" he said at last. "Instead of a gallon of cow's milk, give me a gallon of goat's milk. Goat's milk will be just the right size!"
~ 27. Nasruddin's Eggplant Necklace ~
Nasruddin was traveling with a large caravan full of strangers. To make it easy for everyone to recognize him, he wore a string of eggplants around his neck. Everyone started calling him "Mr. Eggplant," but at least they all knew at a glance who he was.
One night the person sleeping on the ground next to Nasruddin decided to play a joke. He took Nasruddin's eggplant necklace and put it around his own neck.
When Nasruddin woke up, he saw the eggplant necklace around the other man's neck.
"If that is me," he thought to himself, "then who am I?"
~ 28. Nasruddin Visits a Town for the First Time ~
Nasruddin was visiting a new town for the first time. He didn't know anybody in the town, and he wasn't sure what to do or where to go; it made him feel uneasy.
He decided to enter the first door he found open: a carpenter's shop.
"Hello!" said the carpenter.
"Hello!" replied Nasruddin. "Did you see me just now walk into your shop?"
"Yes," replied the carpenter, not sure what Nasruddin was getting at.
"And have you ever seen me before?" asked Nasruddin.
"No, I've never seen you before," admitted the carpenter.
"Then how did you know it was me?"
~ 29. The Sky in a Distant Land ~
Nasruddin went on a long journey to visit a friend who now lived in a distant city.
As they sat up on the roof of his friend's house enjoying the coolness of the night air, Nasruddin stared up at the stars in amazement. "Oooh!" said Nasruddin. "Ahhh!"
Then he looked at his friend and said, "How do you think they did that?"
"How did who do what?" asked Nasruddin's friend, baffled by Nasruddin's reaction.
"The sky painters!" Nasruddin replied. "How were they able to make such a perfect copy here of the sky that I see each night at home?"
~ 30. Nasruddin Rescues the Moon ~
Nasruddin was walking home late one night when he stopped at a well to drink some water.
As he stared down into the well, he saw the moon.
"Hang on, Moon!" he shouted. "I'll rescue you!"
He lowered the bucket into the well but, as he tried to maneuver the bucket into just the right spot so the moon could climb in, he stumbled on the hem of his robe and fell over backwards.
He then saw the moon up in the sky.
"I did it!" he exclaimed happily. "You need to be careful you don't fall down again, Moon!"
~ 31. The Sun or the Moon? ~
There was an argument going on at the coffeehouse, as usual. This time, Nasruddin and his friends were arguing about the sun and the moon.
"Which do you think is more valuable," Nasruddin asked, "the sun, or the moon?"
"What a stupid question, Nasruddin!" they all shouted at him. "The sun is more valuable by far!"
Nasruddin shook his head. "I disagree."
"Are you saying the moon is more valuable than the sun? How can that be?" they asked.
"Isn't it obvious?" Nasruddin replied. "The moon is more valuable because we need the light more at night when it's dark."
~ 32. Nasruddin's House Catches Fire ~
Nasruddin's house happened to catch on fire while Nasruddin was in the coffeehouse. One of his neighbors came bursting in to tell him the bad news.
"Nasruddin!" he shouted. "Come quickly! Your house is on fire!"
Nasruddin jumped up and ran to see what had happened. It was true: his house really was on fire. Flames were shooting up into the air and the whole structure was about to collapse.
Nasruddin, however, just stood there smiling.
"What can you be smiling about?" his neighbor asked.
Nasruddin replied, "Don't you see? I've finally gotten rid of those damn bedbugs at last!"
~ 33. The Wisdom of Camels ~
Nasruddin was in the coffeehouse with his friends, and the subject of camels came up. Specifically, they started arguing about whether camels were intelligent or not.
"Camels are very intelligent!" exclaimed Nasruddin. "In fact, I would say that camels are more intelligent than people are."
"What makes you say so?" asked one of Nasruddin's friends.
"A camel carries heavy loads, but he never asks for another load in addition to what he carries," replied Nasruddin. "Most people, on the other hand, no matter how heavily burdened they might be already, are always eager to take on new obligations and responsibilities."
~ 34. Nasruddin and the Fish ~
Nasruddin and his friends were sitting in the coffeehouse, getting into arguments as usual.
"Fish are truly remarkable animals," Nasruddin opined. "Nobody really respects fish, but they deserve our respect. Talented, intelligent, well-behaved. In fact, there's nothing a person can do that a fish can't do better!"
"That's ridiculous!" protested one of Nasruddin's friends. "Fish can't talk better than people do. Fish can't even talk at all. I've seen hundreds of fish, thousands of fish, but not a single talking fish, and that's because fish can't talk."
"And when you are under the water," Nasruddin replied, "you can't talk either!"
~ 35. How Old Is Nasruddin? ~
Nasruddin was sitting in the coffeehouse drinking coffee with one of his friends. They were talking about this and that, and Nasruddin's friend asked, "Just how old are you, Nasruddin?"
"I'm fifty years old," replied Nasruddin, taking a sip of his coffee.
His friend thought for a moment and then said, "Fifty years old? Really? I'm sure that's what you told me when I asked you your age several years ago."
"That's right. I said I was fifty years old then, and I'm sticking to my story!" said Nasruddin. "I'm a man of my word; you can count on it."
~ 36. Nasruddin and the Stranger ~
A stranger approached Nasruddin as he was standing at the crossroads.
"Which way to town?" the stranger asked.
Nasruddin pointed to the right.
"And how long will it take to get there?"
Nasruddin stared at the stranger intently and shrugged.
"I know you can hear me!" the stranger shouted. "How long will it take me to get to town?"
Nasruddin shrugged again, and the stranger stomped off angrily.
A minute later, Nasruddin shouted, "About half an hour."
The stranger turned and shouted back, "Why didn't you say so?"
"I had to see how quickly you were walking," Nasruddin replied, smiling.
~ 37. Nasruddin in the Rose Garden ~
As Nasruddin was walking home one day, he decided to take the long way through a rose garden instead of the usual road. The roses were all in bloom, and the scent was heavenly.
But as Nasruddin strolled through the garden, he slipped in the mud and crashed into some rose bushes. He was badly bruised and bleeding from where the thorns had scratched him, plus he was covered with mud.
Even so, Nasruddin was not distressed. "If misfortune can befall me in this lovely rose garden," he thought, "just imagine the disasters that awaited me on the open road!"
~ 38. Nasruddin and the Eagle ~
Nasruddin was chopping wood one day, working up quite a sweat. Finally he got so hot that he took off his turban and hung it carefully on a tree branch.
Then, without warning, an enormous eagle came swooping down from the sky and snatched Nasruddin's turban.
"Hey, that bird took my turban!" Nasruddin shouted as the eagle soared away up into the sky.
Then he sighed. "Well, I wish he hadn't taken my turban, but I suppose it's all for the best. If I hadn't taken off my turban just in time, the eagle would have carried me away too!"
~ 39. Different People, Different Paths ~
Over time, Nasruddin had become famous for his wisdom and learning. As a result people came from near and far to ask him questions.
"I have a question, Nasruddin!" one visitor said. "Why is it that people choose to follow so many different paths in life instead of following the one true path?"
"It's actually for the good of the world that everyone follows their own path," Nasruddin replied. "Just imagine: if everyone followed the same path and ended up at the same destination, the world would lose its balance, tip over, and we would all plunge into the abyss."
~ 40. Nasruddin's Buried Treasure ~
One of Nasruddin's neighbors noticed him in the yard digging a hole. When he went to find out just what Nasruddin was doing, he saw that Nasruddin had dug many holes here and there.
"Why are you digging all these holes?" the neighbor asked.
Nasruddin stared at him wild-eyed. "I'm trying to find the money I buried here last year! Now I really need the money, but I can't find the spot where I buried it."
"Didn't you use something to mark the spot?"
"I did!" said Nasruddin. "I buried it under a cloud that looked just like an elephant."
~ 41. Nasruddin Is Perplexed ~
A neighbor saw Nasruddin standing under a tree, scratching his head and looking perplexed.
"Is something wrong?" his neighbor asked.
"I'm puzzled," said Nasruddin. "I've been standing here for hours, and I just can't figure it out."
"Figure what out?" asked his neighbor.
"Don't you see the problem? There's a fish perching up there on that tree branch. Just look!"
Nasruddin pointed, and his neighbor looked up to see.
"I don't understand," said the neighbor. "How can there be a fish perching in a tree that looks just like a parrot?"
"That is exactly what has me puzzled!" replied Nasruddin.
~ 42. Nasruddin the Optimist ~
Nasruddin's neighbor saw him kneeling by the side of the lake, spooning something into the water. He was used to Nasruddin behaving strangely, but this was unusual even for Nasruddin. He decided to go investigate and see what Nasruddin was doing.
As the neighbor got closer, he saw that Nasruddin was spooning yogurt into the lake.
"Why are you spooning yogurt into the lake?" asked the neighbor.
"It's starter!" Nasruddin explained. "I am hoping to turn the whole lake into yogurt."
"But that's impossible!" said his neighbor.
"Yes, it's impossible," admitted Nasruddin. "But just imagine how wonderful it would be!"
~ 43. Nasruddin Digs a Hole ~
Nasruddin's neighbor saw him digging a deep hole in the yard. Nasruddin was barely visible but his neighbor could see shovelfuls of earth flying up out of the hole.
"Nasruddin!" he shouted. "What are you digging that hole for?"
Nasruddin clambered up out of the hole. "I need a place to bury all the rubbish left over from building the new barn."
"And what are you going to do with this heap of earth from the hole you're digging here now?"
Nasruddin paused and scratched his head. "I hadn't thought about that. I suppose I'll have to dig another hole!"
~ 44. Nasruddin the Proud Father ~
Nasruddin was running through the town square.
A friend noticed him and said, "Nasruddin! Wait a moment and talk! I haven't seen you in such a long time."
"I really don't have time to stop and talk," Nasruddin explained. "I went out to do the shopping, and now I need to hurry home."
"Why the rush?"
"My wife just had a baby!" Nasruddin said proudly.
"What wonderful news!" replied his friend. "I'm very glad for you. And is it a boy or a girl?"
Nasruddin stared at him in amazement. "Yes, it is!" he answered. "But how did you know?"
~ 45. Nasruddin in the Dark ~
Night had come on quickly, and Nasruddin and his wife had forgotten to light a candle. Thus, they found themselves sitting in their house in the dark.
"It's dark, husband," Nasruddin's wife said to him. "We need to light a candle."
"I agree!" said Nasruddin. "It's completely dark. I can't see a thing!"
"Well, I'm sure there's a candle over there on the table to your left. Hand me the candle and I'll light it."
"I don't think that will work," said Nasruddin. "How do you expect me to tell my left from my right in the dark like this?"
~ 46. Nasruddin's Sense of Economy ~
Nasruddin was acting even more strangely than usual. He had put a patch over one eye and stuffed cotton in one nostril and in one ear. He had also tied one arm behind his back and was hopping on just one leg.
"Nasruddin!" shouted his wife. "Are you alright? What's happened to you?"
"I'm fine!" replied Nasruddin. "I was just thinking that since I have two eyes and two ears and two nostrils, plus two arms and two legs, I should save one of each for future use. That way, I won't use them both up at the same time."
~ 47. What the Quarrel Was About ~
Nasruddin and his wife awoke to the sound of men quarreling outside. The shouting got louder and louder.
"I'll go see what they are quarreling about," said Nasruddin.
He then lit a lamp and went downstairs.
His wife heard him open the front door. Almost immediately, the shouting stopped. She wondered what Nasruddin had said to stop the quarrel so quickly.
"What happened?" she asked when he came back to bed.
"When I opened the door, one of them grabbed my lamp, and then they both ran off," Nasruddin replied. "I suppose they must have been quarreling about my lamp!"
~ 48. Nasruddin's Lost Key ~
Nasruddin was walking around his yard, peering down at the ground and muttering to himself.
Nasruddin's wife came out and asked him, "Did you lose something?"
"I've lost my key," said Nasruddin.
"I'll help you look," said his wife.
Some time passed, and his wife was ready to give up. "Do you have any idea just where exactly you might have dropped it?" she asked.
"I dropped it somewhere in the basement," Nasruddin replied, not looking up.
"Then why are you looking for it out here?" she exclaimed.
"It's dark in the basement," Nasruddin said. "There's more light out here."
~ 49. Nasruddin's Toothache ~
Nasruddin had a terrible toothache. It had been hurting for days, getting worse every day. It hurt when he lay down; it hurt when he was standing up. He tried putting warm compresses on it, but that did not help. Warm salt water did not help either.
Nasruddin's wife felt sorry for him at first, but she eventually lost her patience. "If that were my tooth," she finally told him, "I would go have it removed."
"If it were your tooth, I'd have it removed too!" Nasruddin shouted back at her. "The problem is that it's my tooth, not yours."
~ 50. Nine Months for a Baby ~
Nasruddin's wife had given birth to a child barely three months after their wedding.
"Pardon me for asking," said Nasruddin, "but doesn't it usually take nine months for babies to be born?"
"That's right," she replied.
"But then how could you have had this child so soon?" he asked.
"It's simple arithmetic," she answered. "How long have you been married to me?"
"Three months."
"And how long have I been married to you?"
"Three months."
"And how long has the baby been growing inside me?"
"Three months."
"There you go!" she concluded triumphantly. "Nine months, just as it should be."
The town square was crowded for market day.
Then, all of a sudden, Nasruddin came galloping through the square on his donkey. It looked like he was about to fall off, barely holding onto the reins with one hand while struggling to keep his turban on with the other.
Nobody had ever seen Nasruddin or his donkey move this fast!
"Hey there, Nasruddin!" yelled one of his friends as Nasruddin rode by. "Just where are you going in such a hurry?"
Nasruddin shouted a reply as the donkey galloped past. "I honestly don't know! You need to ask the donkey!"
~ 2. Nasruddin Shares the Donkey's Load ~
Nasruddin had gone into the forest to chop wood.
At day's end, he bundled up the wood but, instead of putting the bundle on the donkey, he put the bundle on his own head. He then clambered up on the donkey and rode into town.
"Nasruddin!" shouted one of his friends. "Why are you carrying that bundle of wood there on your head? Doesn't it hurt?"
"It does hurt," Nasruddin admitted, "but I wanted to help share the load."
"I still don't understand," said Nasruddin's friend, looking puzzled.
"The donkey is carrying me," explained Nasruddin, "but I'm carrying the wood."
~ 3. Nasruddin's Donkey Is Missing ~
Nasruddin's donkey was lost, but Nasruddin appeared to be happy, not sad. Instead of looking for his donkey, he sat drinking coffee in the coffeehouse.
Everyone was puzzled about this, knowing how much Nasruddin loved his donkey, and his donkey had now been missing for several days.
"I don't understand why you look so happy," someone finally said to him. "How can you smile like that when your donkey is lost?"
"I'm smiling because I'm not on the donkey," explained Nasruddin, taking another sip of his coffee. "Just imagine: if I were on the donkey, I would be lost too!"
~ 4. Why Nasruddin Rides Backwards ~
Nasruddin was riding his donkey to the school while his pupils walked behind him. Nasruddin sat backwards, facing the children.
"You look funny riding backwards!" they said.
"If I faced forward, I'd have my back to you," Nasruddin explained, "which wouldn't be nice. If I faced forward and you walked in front, your backs would be towards me, which also wouldn't be nice. If you walked in front facing backwards to see me, you wouldn't see where you're going and you'd probably fall down. So, me riding backwards facing you, just like this," he concluded, "is really the best solution!"
~ 5. Nasruddin, His Son, and the Donkey ~
Nasruddin was going to town with his son. Nasruddin walked while his son rode their donkey.
Someone saw them and scoffed. "Lazy boy! Why must your father walk?"
So the son got off, and Nasruddin got on.
Farther down the road, someone else saw them and said, "Cruel father, making your son walk!"
So they both rode the donkey.
"Poor donkey, carrying two riders!" said the next person they met.
So then they both got off.
"Idiots!" laughed the next person. "At least one of you should ride the donkey!"
"Take note, my son," Nasruddin said. "There's no pleasing everyone."
~ 6. Borrowing Nasruddin's Donkey ~
A neighbor asked to borrow Nasruddin's donkey.
Nasruddin did not want to loan him the donkey, but he also did not want to appear to be ungenerous. So, he made up an excuse.
"I'm sorry, but I must say no," said Nasruddin. "The donkey is not here right now; I loaned him to my brother-in-law, and he still hasn't returned the donkey."
Then, at that very moment, the donkey let out a loud bray from inside the stable.
Before his neighbor could say anything, Nasruddin gave him a hard look. "Who are you going to believe: me, or the donkey?"
~ 7. Nasruddin's Donkey Crosses the Stream ~
Nasruddin was returning home from the market, and his donkey was carrying bags of salt.
On the way, they had to cross a stream. The donkey slipped, and the salt dissolved in the water. When the donkey stood back up, he found his load was lighter, and he trotted happily home.
The next time they came from the market, the donkey was carrying bags of wool. He decided to stumble on purpose but, instead of dissolving, the wool absorbed the water and weighed even more than before.
"You can't expect to get lucky every time!" Nasruddin said to the donkey.
~ 8. Nasruddin's Saintly Donkey ~
Nasruddin sat in the coffeehouse, praising his remarkable donkey.
"Your donkey is indeed remarkable," said one of Nasruddin's friends. "I've always thought your donkey had a very saintly disposition. He is much more saintly than you are."
This took Nasruddin by surprise. "What do you mean my donkey is 'more saintly' than I am?"
"I mean that if we gave your donkey a choice between a bucket of water and a bucket of wine, he would drink the water, not the wine."
"There's nothing saintly about that!" exclaimed Nasruddin. "That just shows the donkey is less intelligent than I am."
~ 9. Nasruddin's Flying Donkey ~
Nasruddin decided to teach his donkey how to fly.
"Look at the bird! Just do that!" Nasruddin would say. "It's going to be harder because you don't have wings, but I know you can do it."
Finally, the day had arrived. Nasruddin took his donkey up to a high cliff. "Fly, donkey, fly!" he said as he pushed his donkey off the cliff.
The donkey sailed through the air, but only briefly. He hit the ground and died.
Nasruddin blamed himself. "I got so excited about teaching him how to fly that I forgot to teach him how to land."
~ 10. Nasruddin Counts the Donkeys ~
Nasruddin was taking the village's donkeys, laden with grain, to the mill. There was Nasruddin's donkey, plus nine more.
Halfway there, Nasruddin counted. Only nine!
Worried, he got down and went looking for the lost donkey.
When he came back, he counted again: ten donkeys.
"Praise God!" he said. "The missing donkey returned."
Nasruddin got back on his donkey and continued the journey.
Later, he counted again. Only nine!
He dismounted, went looking, came back, and counted. Ten donkeys!
"Well, I better walk. When I'm riding, that wayward donkey escapes."
Nasruddin was just forgetting to count the donkey underneath him!
~ 11. Nasruddin Reports a Stolen Donkey ~
A thief had stolen Nasruddin's donkey, so Nasruddin went to the police station to report the crime, hoping that the police would find the donkey-thief and get his donkey back.
"I want to report a theft!" Nasruddin shouted. "Someone has stolen my donkey. I need your help!"
The police officer took out a piece of paper, ready to write down Nasruddin's account of the events.
"Tell me what happened," he said.
"How can I possibly do that?" Nasruddin exclaimed. "I wasn't there when it happened! If I'd been there, I would have stopped the thief before he took my donkey."
~ 12. The Donkey and the Police-Chief ~
Nasruddin's donkey was missing. "Have you seen my donkey?" he asked everyone, but no one had seen the donkey.
Nasruddin was about to give up, when one of the village children said, "I know what happened to your donkey. My uncle says the new police chief is a real donkey. So he must be your donkey!"
"That's impossible, boy," Nasruddin replied. "My donkey is smart enough as donkeys go, but he's not capable of taking bribes, and he wouldn't know how to frame people for crimes they didn't commit. And that means he's not qualified to be chief of police!"
~ 13. Nasruddin's Bribe ~
Nasruddin needed the judge's signature on some documents, which meant a bribe, and Nasruddin didn't like bribes.
So, Nasruddin got a pot, filled it with mud, and put honey on top to make it look like a pot full of honey. Nasruddin gave this to the judge, and the judge gave him the signed documents.
The next day, the judge's servant delivered a message. "The documents were in error! Return them to the judge."
"The documents are fine," Nasruddin replied. "If the judge has a problem of his own, he should take that up with his conscience, not with me."
~ 14. The Judge's Brand-New Shoes ~
One night Nasruddin found the judge lying drunk in a ditch. Chuckling, he took the judge's brand-new shoes. They were just the right size!
The next day the judge complained that robbers had ambushed him. "They stole my brand-new shoes!" he yelled.
Nasruddin then strolled into court wearing the judge's shoes.
"Where did you get those?" the judge demanded.
"I met a drunken man last night, and he insisted I take them," Nasruddin replied with a smile. "Do you know who he is? I'll gladly return them. He was, I'm afraid, very drunk."
The judge glared at Nasruddin in reply.
~ 15. Nasruddin and the Slap ~
A man slapped Nasruddin on the face, so Nasruddin took the man to court, accusing him of assault.
The judge ordered that the man must give Nasruddin a gold coin by way of damages.
"I will go home, get the coin, and be back within an hour," the man promised.
Nasruddin waited for an hour, and then another hour.
When three hours had passed and the man still had not returned, Nasruddin got up and slapped the judge.
"I'm going home, Your Honor," he explained, "so when that man finally shows up, feel free to take the coin as compensation."
~ 16. Nasruddin and the Goat ~
Nasruddin and his neighbor were quarreling.
"You stink worse than a goat!" his neighbor said, so Nasruddin took him to court for slander.
The judge said, "Bring in a goat for comparison."
They brought in a goat, and when the judge leaned down to sniff the goat, he fainted. That's how bad the goat smelled.
They revived the judge with smelling salts, and then the judge said, "Now bring in Nasruddin."
They brought in Nasruddin, and both the judge and the goat fainted. That's how bad Nasruddin smelled.
They had to throw both Nasruddin and the goat out of court.
~ 17. Nasruddin and the Sacks of Wheat ~
Nasruddin was caught taking sacks of wheat from his neighbor's barn. Nasruddin had done this before, and this time the neighbor took him to court.
"What do you have to say for yourself?" asked the judge.
"I'm just a fool," Nasruddin admitted. "I get confused about whose barn is whose, which wheat is mine or theirs. I'm not sure how I ended up with my neighbor's wheat in my wagon."
"If you're so easily confused," said the judge, "why don't you sometimes put your wheat in other people's wagons?"
"I may be a fool," Nasruddin replied, "but I'm not stupid!"
~ 18. Nasruddin Visits the Prisoners ~
As an act of charity, Nasruddin went to the prison to talk with all the prisoners and console them.
When they spoke, each inmate told Nasruddin that they were imprisoned unjustly. "I'm innocent," they told him, one after another.
One inmate, however, did not protest. "I'm guilty of my crimes," he said, "and that's why I'm here in prison."
As soon as Nasruddin heard that, he went to see the warden.
"You have to free this prisoner immediately!" Nasruddin told the warden. "Otherwise, he's going to be a terrible influence on all the innocent men you have locked up here."
~ 19. The Beggar and the Food Vendor ~
A beggar eating a crust of stale bread stood next to a shish-kebab vendor, inhaling deeply. The smell made even his stale bread taste good.
"You must pay for the smell!" shouted the vendor.
When the poor man couldn't pay, the vendor took him to court.
Nasruddin was the judge.
He listened to them both, and then he took some coins from his pocket, cupped his hands, and shook the coins.
"Do you hear that sound?" he asked the vendor.
"Yes," said the vendor, perplexed.
"The sound of the coins is payment for the smell of the meat. Case dismissed!"
~ 20. Biting Your Own Ear ~
A wife dragged her husband into Nasruddin's courtroom.
"He bit my ear!" she shouted.
"You bit your own ear!" the husband shouted back at her.
"Impossible!" the wife replied. "Nobody can bite their own ear."
Nasruddin called for a recess and went into his chambers. He tried to bite his own ear, but only succeeded in falling down and bruising his forehead.
Nasruddin returned to the courtroom. "Check the wife: does she have bruises on her forehead?"
There were no bruises.
"I therefore conclude the wife did not bite her own ear," said Nasruddin. "The husband is guilty as charged."
~ 21. Nasruddin and the Case of the Cow ~
Nasruddin's neighbor came running up, shouting loudly. "There's been a terrible accident!" he said to Nasruddin.
"What happened?" asked Nasruddin, alarmed.
"Your ox got loose and gored my cow to death," the neighbor explained. "Someone will have to pay!"
"What do you mean?" replied Nasruddin. "Surely you can't hold me responsible for what my ox did to your cow."
"Oh," said the neighbor, "I apologize. I must have gotten my words mixed up! I meant to say that my ox got loose and gored your cow to death."
"Oh!" said Nasruddin. "That changes everything. Someone really will have to pay!"
~ 22. Payment in Kind ~
Nasruddin's neighbor stormed into Nasruddin's house.
"I demand justice!" the neighbor shouted. "Just now your dog viciously attacked my wife and bit her on the foot. You're going to have to pay!"
"Don't worry," Nasruddin replied calmly. "We can easily arrange payment in kind."
"What do you mean?" asked the neighbor.
"For example, I could send my wife to your house, and your dog could bite her on the foot," Nasruddin explained. "There is also this option: your wife could come over here and she could bite my dog on the foot. I'll let you decide what would be best."
~ 23. Nasruddin Takes Sides ~
Two men who were quarreling came to Nasruddin.
"Please help us, Nasruddin!" said the first man.
"We need you to judge between us!" said the second man.
The first man presented his case, and when he was done, Nasruddin exclaimed, "You're right!"
The second man shouted, "You haven't even listened to my side of the story!"
That man then presented his case and when he was done, Nasruddin exclaimed again, "You're right!"
Nasruddin's wife, who had listened to the whole thing, remarked, "They can't both be right."
Nasruddin looked at his wife and exclaimed with a smile, "You're right too!"
~ 24. Good Goose, Bad Goose ~
Nasruddin had a bad-tempered goose that was always hissing and trying to bite him, so he took the goose to the market to sell.
As he handed the goose to the goose-broker, Nasruddin warned him, "This is a badly-behaved goose. Be careful!"
"Don't worry," the broker said. "I'll get you a good price."
The broker then began yelling, "Buy the best goose here! A fine goose! Good-natured goose! Buy the best goose here!"
Nasruddin snatched his goose back from the broker.
"I'm not selling this goose at any price!" he exclaimed. "I never knew what a good goose I had."
~ 25. Nasruddin and the Ocean ~
Nasruddin once took a long journey all the way to the ocean's edge. This was the first time he had seen the ocean. He was astounded by the water stretching to the horizon, and the rise and fall of the waves mesmerized him.
He then bent down to take a drink and immediately spat it out. "Disgusting!" he yelled. "Luckily, I've got some real water here with me."
He reached for his water-flask and poured some fresh water into the ocean.
"It's true that you look very impressive," he said, "but you need to learn what real water tastes like!"
~ 26. Nasruddin and the Milkman ~
Nasruddin had gone to the milkman to get a gallon of cow's milk. He waited in line and then presented the milkman with the container he had brought with him.
"A gallon of cow's milk," he said to the milkman.
"I'm sorry, Nasruddin," the milkman replied, "but the container you've brought is much too small. There's no way a gallon of cow's milk will fit into that container."
Nasruddin stood there thinking.
"I know!" he said at last. "Instead of a gallon of cow's milk, give me a gallon of goat's milk. Goat's milk will be just the right size!"
~ 27. Nasruddin's Eggplant Necklace ~
Nasruddin was traveling with a large caravan full of strangers. To make it easy for everyone to recognize him, he wore a string of eggplants around his neck. Everyone started calling him "Mr. Eggplant," but at least they all knew at a glance who he was.
One night the person sleeping on the ground next to Nasruddin decided to play a joke. He took Nasruddin's eggplant necklace and put it around his own neck.
When Nasruddin woke up, he saw the eggplant necklace around the other man's neck.
"If that is me," he thought to himself, "then who am I?"
~ 28. Nasruddin Visits a Town for the First Time ~
Nasruddin was visiting a new town for the first time. He didn't know anybody in the town, and he wasn't sure what to do or where to go; it made him feel uneasy.
He decided to enter the first door he found open: a carpenter's shop.
"Hello!" said the carpenter.
"Hello!" replied Nasruddin. "Did you see me just now walk into your shop?"
"Yes," replied the carpenter, not sure what Nasruddin was getting at.
"And have you ever seen me before?" asked Nasruddin.
"No, I've never seen you before," admitted the carpenter.
"Then how did you know it was me?"
~ 29. The Sky in a Distant Land ~
Nasruddin went on a long journey to visit a friend who now lived in a distant city.
As they sat up on the roof of his friend's house enjoying the coolness of the night air, Nasruddin stared up at the stars in amazement. "Oooh!" said Nasruddin. "Ahhh!"
Then he looked at his friend and said, "How do you think they did that?"
"How did who do what?" asked Nasruddin's friend, baffled by Nasruddin's reaction.
"The sky painters!" Nasruddin replied. "How were they able to make such a perfect copy here of the sky that I see each night at home?"
~ 30. Nasruddin Rescues the Moon ~
Nasruddin was walking home late one night when he stopped at a well to drink some water.
As he stared down into the well, he saw the moon.
"Hang on, Moon!" he shouted. "I'll rescue you!"
He lowered the bucket into the well but, as he tried to maneuver the bucket into just the right spot so the moon could climb in, he stumbled on the hem of his robe and fell over backwards.
He then saw the moon up in the sky.
"I did it!" he exclaimed happily. "You need to be careful you don't fall down again, Moon!"
~ 31. The Sun or the Moon? ~
There was an argument going on at the coffeehouse, as usual. This time, Nasruddin and his friends were arguing about the sun and the moon.
"Which do you think is more valuable," Nasruddin asked, "the sun, or the moon?"
"What a stupid question, Nasruddin!" they all shouted at him. "The sun is more valuable by far!"
Nasruddin shook his head. "I disagree."
"Are you saying the moon is more valuable than the sun? How can that be?" they asked.
"Isn't it obvious?" Nasruddin replied. "The moon is more valuable because we need the light more at night when it's dark."
~ 32. Nasruddin's House Catches Fire ~
Nasruddin's house happened to catch on fire while Nasruddin was in the coffeehouse. One of his neighbors came bursting in to tell him the bad news.
"Nasruddin!" he shouted. "Come quickly! Your house is on fire!"
Nasruddin jumped up and ran to see what had happened. It was true: his house really was on fire. Flames were shooting up into the air and the whole structure was about to collapse.
Nasruddin, however, just stood there smiling.
"What can you be smiling about?" his neighbor asked.
Nasruddin replied, "Don't you see? I've finally gotten rid of those damn bedbugs at last!"
~ 33. The Wisdom of Camels ~
Nasruddin was in the coffeehouse with his friends, and the subject of camels came up. Specifically, they started arguing about whether camels were intelligent or not.
"Camels are very intelligent!" exclaimed Nasruddin. "In fact, I would say that camels are more intelligent than people are."
"What makes you say so?" asked one of Nasruddin's friends.
"A camel carries heavy loads, but he never asks for another load in addition to what he carries," replied Nasruddin. "Most people, on the other hand, no matter how heavily burdened they might be already, are always eager to take on new obligations and responsibilities."
~ 34. Nasruddin and the Fish ~
Nasruddin and his friends were sitting in the coffeehouse, getting into arguments as usual.
"Fish are truly remarkable animals," Nasruddin opined. "Nobody really respects fish, but they deserve our respect. Talented, intelligent, well-behaved. In fact, there's nothing a person can do that a fish can't do better!"
"That's ridiculous!" protested one of Nasruddin's friends. "Fish can't talk better than people do. Fish can't even talk at all. I've seen hundreds of fish, thousands of fish, but not a single talking fish, and that's because fish can't talk."
"And when you are under the water," Nasruddin replied, "you can't talk either!"
~ 35. How Old Is Nasruddin? ~
Nasruddin was sitting in the coffeehouse drinking coffee with one of his friends. They were talking about this and that, and Nasruddin's friend asked, "Just how old are you, Nasruddin?"
"I'm fifty years old," replied Nasruddin, taking a sip of his coffee.
His friend thought for a moment and then said, "Fifty years old? Really? I'm sure that's what you told me when I asked you your age several years ago."
"That's right. I said I was fifty years old then, and I'm sticking to my story!" said Nasruddin. "I'm a man of my word; you can count on it."
~ 36. Nasruddin and the Stranger ~
A stranger approached Nasruddin as he was standing at the crossroads.
"Which way to town?" the stranger asked.
Nasruddin pointed to the right.
"And how long will it take to get there?"
Nasruddin stared at the stranger intently and shrugged.
"I know you can hear me!" the stranger shouted. "How long will it take me to get to town?"
Nasruddin shrugged again, and the stranger stomped off angrily.
A minute later, Nasruddin shouted, "About half an hour."
The stranger turned and shouted back, "Why didn't you say so?"
"I had to see how quickly you were walking," Nasruddin replied, smiling.
~ 37. Nasruddin in the Rose Garden ~
As Nasruddin was walking home one day, he decided to take the long way through a rose garden instead of the usual road. The roses were all in bloom, and the scent was heavenly.
But as Nasruddin strolled through the garden, he slipped in the mud and crashed into some rose bushes. He was badly bruised and bleeding from where the thorns had scratched him, plus he was covered with mud.
Even so, Nasruddin was not distressed. "If misfortune can befall me in this lovely rose garden," he thought, "just imagine the disasters that awaited me on the open road!"
~ 38. Nasruddin and the Eagle ~
Nasruddin was chopping wood one day, working up quite a sweat. Finally he got so hot that he took off his turban and hung it carefully on a tree branch.
Then, without warning, an enormous eagle came swooping down from the sky and snatched Nasruddin's turban.
"Hey, that bird took my turban!" Nasruddin shouted as the eagle soared away up into the sky.
Then he sighed. "Well, I wish he hadn't taken my turban, but I suppose it's all for the best. If I hadn't taken off my turban just in time, the eagle would have carried me away too!"
~ 39. Different People, Different Paths ~
Over time, Nasruddin had become famous for his wisdom and learning. As a result people came from near and far to ask him questions.
"I have a question, Nasruddin!" one visitor said. "Why is it that people choose to follow so many different paths in life instead of following the one true path?"
"It's actually for the good of the world that everyone follows their own path," Nasruddin replied. "Just imagine: if everyone followed the same path and ended up at the same destination, the world would lose its balance, tip over, and we would all plunge into the abyss."
~ 40. Nasruddin's Buried Treasure ~
One of Nasruddin's neighbors noticed him in the yard digging a hole. When he went to find out just what Nasruddin was doing, he saw that Nasruddin had dug many holes here and there.
"Why are you digging all these holes?" the neighbor asked.
Nasruddin stared at him wild-eyed. "I'm trying to find the money I buried here last year! Now I really need the money, but I can't find the spot where I buried it."
"Didn't you use something to mark the spot?"
"I did!" said Nasruddin. "I buried it under a cloud that looked just like an elephant."
~ 41. Nasruddin Is Perplexed ~
A neighbor saw Nasruddin standing under a tree, scratching his head and looking perplexed.
"Is something wrong?" his neighbor asked.
"I'm puzzled," said Nasruddin. "I've been standing here for hours, and I just can't figure it out."
"Figure what out?" asked his neighbor.
"Don't you see the problem? There's a fish perching up there on that tree branch. Just look!"
Nasruddin pointed, and his neighbor looked up to see.
"I don't understand," said the neighbor. "How can there be a fish perching in a tree that looks just like a parrot?"
"That is exactly what has me puzzled!" replied Nasruddin.
~ 42. Nasruddin the Optimist ~
Nasruddin's neighbor saw him kneeling by the side of the lake, spooning something into the water. He was used to Nasruddin behaving strangely, but this was unusual even for Nasruddin. He decided to go investigate and see what Nasruddin was doing.
As the neighbor got closer, he saw that Nasruddin was spooning yogurt into the lake.
"Why are you spooning yogurt into the lake?" asked the neighbor.
"It's starter!" Nasruddin explained. "I am hoping to turn the whole lake into yogurt."
"But that's impossible!" said his neighbor.
"Yes, it's impossible," admitted Nasruddin. "But just imagine how wonderful it would be!"
~ 43. Nasruddin Digs a Hole ~
Nasruddin's neighbor saw him digging a deep hole in the yard. Nasruddin was barely visible but his neighbor could see shovelfuls of earth flying up out of the hole.
"Nasruddin!" he shouted. "What are you digging that hole for?"
Nasruddin clambered up out of the hole. "I need a place to bury all the rubbish left over from building the new barn."
"And what are you going to do with this heap of earth from the hole you're digging here now?"
Nasruddin paused and scratched his head. "I hadn't thought about that. I suppose I'll have to dig another hole!"
~ 44. Nasruddin the Proud Father ~
Nasruddin was running through the town square.
A friend noticed him and said, "Nasruddin! Wait a moment and talk! I haven't seen you in such a long time."
"I really don't have time to stop and talk," Nasruddin explained. "I went out to do the shopping, and now I need to hurry home."
"Why the rush?"
"My wife just had a baby!" Nasruddin said proudly.
"What wonderful news!" replied his friend. "I'm very glad for you. And is it a boy or a girl?"
Nasruddin stared at him in amazement. "Yes, it is!" he answered. "But how did you know?"
~ 45. Nasruddin in the Dark ~
Night had come on quickly, and Nasruddin and his wife had forgotten to light a candle. Thus, they found themselves sitting in their house in the dark.
"It's dark, husband," Nasruddin's wife said to him. "We need to light a candle."
"I agree!" said Nasruddin. "It's completely dark. I can't see a thing!"
"Well, I'm sure there's a candle over there on the table to your left. Hand me the candle and I'll light it."
"I don't think that will work," said Nasruddin. "How do you expect me to tell my left from my right in the dark like this?"
~ 46. Nasruddin's Sense of Economy ~
Nasruddin was acting even more strangely than usual. He had put a patch over one eye and stuffed cotton in one nostril and in one ear. He had also tied one arm behind his back and was hopping on just one leg.
"Nasruddin!" shouted his wife. "Are you alright? What's happened to you?"
"I'm fine!" replied Nasruddin. "I was just thinking that since I have two eyes and two ears and two nostrils, plus two arms and two legs, I should save one of each for future use. That way, I won't use them both up at the same time."
~ 47. What the Quarrel Was About ~
Nasruddin and his wife awoke to the sound of men quarreling outside. The shouting got louder and louder.
"I'll go see what they are quarreling about," said Nasruddin.
He then lit a lamp and went downstairs.
His wife heard him open the front door. Almost immediately, the shouting stopped. She wondered what Nasruddin had said to stop the quarrel so quickly.
"What happened?" she asked when he came back to bed.
"When I opened the door, one of them grabbed my lamp, and then they both ran off," Nasruddin replied. "I suppose they must have been quarreling about my lamp!"
~ 48. Nasruddin's Lost Key ~
Nasruddin was walking around his yard, peering down at the ground and muttering to himself.
Nasruddin's wife came out and asked him, "Did you lose something?"
"I've lost my key," said Nasruddin.
"I'll help you look," said his wife.
Some time passed, and his wife was ready to give up. "Do you have any idea just where exactly you might have dropped it?" she asked.
"I dropped it somewhere in the basement," Nasruddin replied, not looking up.
"Then why are you looking for it out here?" she exclaimed.
"It's dark in the basement," Nasruddin said. "There's more light out here."
~ 49. Nasruddin's Toothache ~
Nasruddin had a terrible toothache. It had been hurting for days, getting worse every day. It hurt when he lay down; it hurt when he was standing up. He tried putting warm compresses on it, but that did not help. Warm salt water did not help either.
Nasruddin's wife felt sorry for him at first, but she eventually lost her patience. "If that were my tooth," she finally told him, "I would go have it removed."
"If it were your tooth, I'd have it removed too!" Nasruddin shouted back at her. "The problem is that it's my tooth, not yours."
~ 50. Nine Months for a Baby ~
Nasruddin's wife had given birth to a child barely three months after their wedding.
"Pardon me for asking," said Nasruddin, "but doesn't it usually take nine months for babies to be born?"
"That's right," she replied.
"But then how could you have had this child so soon?" he asked.
"It's simple arithmetic," she answered. "How long have you been married to me?"
"Three months."
"And how long have I been married to you?"
"Three months."
"And how long has the baby been growing inside me?"
"Three months."
"There you go!" she concluded triumphantly. "Nine months, just as it should be."